Perfect love.

Loving someone else is a choice.

I've been finding a lot of fear in my love this year.

Sometimes I find myself loving out of fear of rejection.

Sometimes I find myself not loving because of fear.

My love is not perfect,

My love is very flawed.

My love is not good enough

to save or heal.

No matter how hard I love,

my love will be rejected.

my love won't be returned.

my love will be ignored.

That's why I'm asking for God to keep completing my love

During this process called life.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.

For fear has to do with punishment,

and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

We love because he first loved us."

1 John 4:19

God is love.

Love bears all things.

Finding Joy.

It has been a really rough week so far.

Between a head cold,

hours of interviews,

and the most homework I've had this semester...

I'm wiped out.

There have already been tears.

(You know it's bad when people start asking if you're doing okay,

& tell you that you look tired.)

But this morning I woke up determined not to feel sorry for myself.

I put on some music,

& a dress,

curled my hair,

and decided it would be a good day.

I took strength in 2 Corinthians 6.

Especially these verses:

"but as the servants of God...through hour and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true, as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed, as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing, as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything." (8-10)

I am finding joy in being a servant of God.

God is love.

Love is not irritable

(even when without sleep).

Brotherly Love.

We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.

Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

1 John 4:19+

I had a wonderful weekend at home.

I took the boyfriend out on a date.

Even opened his door a couple times,

And enjoyed watching a few hours of home videos.

I really loved watching my little brother and I interact at that age.

"Look, dad, I got this for my sister."

When everyone else was going crazy for piñata candy.

"Thanks Dani, I've been wanting this so very bad"

When I gave him a hot wheels set for his 5th birthday.

I'm blessed to have a brother who thinks of me before himself.

God is love.

Love is not rude.

Kind-hearted.

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything." 1 John 4:19-20

It's funny,

Sometimes it's easy to love others.

And is almost impossible to love ourselves.

That has been true for me lately.

I've been really hard on myself.

Whispering untruths.

Double guessing my dreams.

Doubting my talents.

Playing comparisons.

I forget grace,

and I forget that Christ is in me,

that I am on a journey toward becoming exactly who he made me to be.

"Little children,

you are from God and have overcome them,

for he who is in you is greater

than he who is in the world

...We are from God."

1 John 4:4-5

God is love.

Love is kind.

(Even to ourselves).

Happy February.

It's my favorite month!

I love the colors,

and the candy,

and the cheesy boxed valentines.

But the best part is that there is a holiday that celebrates love,

a fruit of the Spirit.

Last year I practiced "14 Days of Loving Others,"

(The Jesus way)

and it made such a difference in healing parts of my heart.

This year, though, I think I'm supposed to spend 14 days focusing on

The way God loves us.

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us,

and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need,

yet closes his heart against him,

how does God's love abide in him?

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."

1 John 3:16-18

He taught us what love is by dying for us.

The least I can do is keep our hearts open

and love those in need.

Praying that God's love would abide in me.

He is love.

Love is patient.

Hoping.

Recently I've been having a struggle to find hope.

It's really hard for me not to know what's coming next.

I'm a person who dwells easier in the future than the present.

And I feel like I'm wandering around in the dark.

It took me a while to turn to the one who is Hope.

I tossed around for a couple of weeks before I started opening my Bible again.

And I was given these words:

"You have kept count of my tossings;

put my tears in your bottle.

Are they not in your book?

Then my enemies will turn back

in the day when I call.

This I know, that God is for me.

In God, whose word I praise,

in the Lord, whose word I praise,

in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.

...

That I may walk before God

in the light of life."

Psalm 56:8+

God is for me,

and he saves my tears...

I find hope in that.

Hurt for the Healing.

Sometimes I get really

bogged down & captured

under the weight of everything that has

gone wrong.

Our world, our relationships, our cities...they aren't supposed to be like this.

I sit in class and learn about the terrible conditions

children around the world are forced to deal with daily.

Child Soldiers

Parental abuse

Sex Trafficking.

"The younger, the better."

I sit in my room and research foster care and family crisis.

Big words that just mean broken lives.

I memorize statistics and know how many children live in a shelter.

Big numbers that equal a lot of need.

And it's so easy to be emotional--sad or angry.

But it's not enough.

It's when I get a text from my boyfriend that says,

"God is doing big things here.

We just helped feed 90 kids when a snow day happens"

that I remember all the ministries and missions

who are hoping to heal hurt.

And it just so happens that someone I care about is there,

Working paid and unpaid hours in order to do something.

Thank you.

Knowing makes it easier that you're not here.

I still know that this is not how its supposed to be,

but I also need to remember that there's hope now,

and there's hope in the future.

When there will be no more tears.

Valuable.

Control.

I've been controlled, and I like being in control.

But when we hold on so tightly to someone

that we can't let them go...

to be who they are,

to pursue what they love,

to do what they feel called to,

we steal their freedom

and we forget about grace.

Acceptance.

I want to accept others just as they are.

Letting go.

I want to release others to God.

I want to be supportive of other's decisions.

I want to extend real grace to others.

"Acceptance means you are valuable just as you are. It allows you to be the real you. You aren't forced into someone else's idea of who you really are. It means your ideas are taken seriously since they reflect you. You can talk about how you feel inside and why you feel that way--and someone really cares. You feel safe."--William Barclay.

Safety.

Freedom.

Love.

Seeking to please only God.

Leaving behind the people pleaser.

Accepting others.

Learning is a journey.

Sing.

But I will sing of your strength;

I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning

For you have been to me a fortress

and a refuge in the day of distress.

O my Strength, I will sing praises to you,

for you, O God, are my fortress,

the God who shows me steadfast love.

Ps. 59:16,17

Dazzling

I keep asking the Lord to show me how He sees me.

And the newest word is dazzling.

I went to a worship service last night,

and the picture that spoke to my heart was

"When we arrive at eternity's shore,

when death is just a memory

and tears are no more,

We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring,

Your bride will come together and we'll sing,

You're beautiful."

He's dazzling,

and I'm a reflection of His brilliance.

Arise, shine.

Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.

...

Then you shall see and be radiant;

your heart shall thrill and exult,

your heart shall tremble and grow wide.

...

but the Lord will be your everlasting light,

and your God will be your beauty.

Isaiah 60: 1, 6, 19

He has made us beautiful.

What if we lived like it,

stepped out of the darkness of shame,

lived in the light,

like the redeemed people we are,

and let Him display his beauty through us.

Regardless

"That which God said to the rose, and caused it to laugh in full-blown beauty, He said to my heart, and made it a hundred times more beautiful."--Rumi

Today I sat and asked the Lord to give me words.

Words that describe the way he sees me.

&

he calls me:

Beloved.

Free.

Without Blemish.

Full of Grace.

My love will never grow cold.

Regardless.

&

he gave me a role:

Go.

Love.

Serve.

Care.

Listen.

You are my ambassador.

I have given you the ministry of reconciliation.

Don't receive my grace in vain.

(2 Corinthians 5&6)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us."---2 Corinthians 5:17-21

Living.

I'm going through a period of questioning.

I've been questioning my motives for service and love,

my understanding of grace,

and even some of the Christian words I have grown up hearing.

I know a lot of information.

I'm good at talking like a Christian,

I "lift up" friends in prayer,

and I wish to "glorify" the Lord with my life.

I'm tired of living like this.

So like everyone around me.

I fit in far too well.

There has to be more than this.

Today God showed me a little more clearly

what it looks like to "glorify" Him.

God is glorified when we live in such a way

that he may display His beauty.

That makes so much more sense to me.

I want my actions

and motives

and thoughts

to be pure

so that He can display his beauty through them.

"..and you shall know that I, the Lord, am your Savior and your Redeemer, the Mighty one of Jacob."

Isaiah 60:16

Enamored.

I've been asking God to show me who I am

past comparisons,

or self-imposed standards

expectations,

or attempts to please others.

I want to see myself the way God sees me.

And the word that comes to mind is enamored.

We have a God who is enamored with us.

Who gives us beauty for ashes

blessing

praise

honor

everlasting joy

a new name.

. . .

Your new name will be "The City of God's Delight"

and "The Bride of God,

for the Lord delights in you

and will claim you as his bride.

Isaiah 62:4

Hephzibah, "my delight is in her"

I am loved.

Grasping Grace.

I haven't been living like I have been given grace.

I'm a perfectionist,

a people pleaser;

I'm determined,

a goal seeker.

And I've been running in circles

trying to earn God's love.

It's not about salvation for me;

It's about being lovable.

But this past week I've been shown some powerful truths.

"I have never stopped loving her"

God loves us even when we are unlovable.

Nothing I can do will impress God,

Jesus did that through His scars.

What I do for God isn't important,

it's about what He has done for me.

Grace is free, I can't buy it.

I have peace with God.

I still don't get it.

I feel a little lost when I read Romans.

But like my spiritual mentor said to me,

"If you grasp this, it's going to change your life."

"Grace received but unexpressed is dead grace. To spend one's time debating how grace is received or how much commitment is necessary for salvation, without getting into what is means to live by grace and enjoy the magnificent freedom it provides, quickly leads to a counterproductive argument. . .My plea is that we claim it and allow it to set us free. When we do, grace will become what it was meant to be--really amazing. When that happens, our whole countenance changes."--Charles Swindoll, The Grace Awakening

Guide.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm not. I'm just looking at my bright star."

"I'm doing exactly the same thing."

I sought the Lord and he answered me

and delivered my from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant,

and their faces shall never be ashamed.

Ps. 34: 5

Thanks for looking to the Lord with me.

Awake.

I love the morning hours.

Running with a prayerful friend,

thanking God for what we have,

lifting concerns and worries up,

and then letting go.

Making sticky heart waffles,

just because,

and then sharing with sleepy friends.

Coffee with homemade creamer.

An open window.

Sunny breeze.

Gentle reminders of surrender, steadfast love:

I remember the days of old;

I meditate on all that you have done;

I ponder the work of your hands.

I stretch out my hands to you;

my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,

for in you I trust.

Make me know the way I should go,

for to you I lift up my soul.

Psalm 143: 5,6 & 8

I am awake, and I am still with you.

Disenchanted.

There's this broken part of me,

that always wants to love something created

instead of the creator.

There's this tension in me,

to chase things created by God

instead of God.

I see it in my dreams,

in my hopes,

in my hurts,

in my anxiousness,

in my pursuits.

"Everyone must live for something. Something must capture our imaginations, our heart's most fundamental allegiance and hope. But, the Bible tells us, without the intervention of the Holy Spirit, that object will never be God himself."--Tim Keller, Counterfeit Gods

False loves.

You disappoint

You are so empty;

God.

The riches of your love will always be enough.

The hope you give will never disappoint.

I'm running to your arms.

Singing this song,

praying it will become true

in me.

My heart will sing

no other name.

Jesus.

Conquest.

I feel pursued.

The Lord has completely been showing me His love.

Lately.

This verse feels true:

Cheer up, Zion!

Don't be afraid!

For the Lord you God is living among you.

He is a mighty savior.

He will take delight in you with gladness.

With his love, he will calm all your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Zephaniah 3:16-17

I mean, that's what

every sunrise

sunset,

budding lily,

and answered prayer

is:

God's way of wooing us to himself.

"My whole hearts has not one single grain,

this moment,

of thirst after approbation.

I feel alone with God;

He fills the void;

I have not one wish,

one will,

one desire,

but in Him;

He hath set my feet in a large room.

I have wondered

and stood amazed that God should

make a conquest of all within me by love."

--Lady Huntington

He is delighting and rejoicing and pursuing you,

look for it.

Unafraid.

Today I followed some sweet leadership,

and I did my devotions on a dock in the Ozarks.

I was inspired by the boats

and the wind

and the sound of the waves,

and the dad who walked behind me saying to his son,

"look, can you imagine walking on water?"

so I read that crazy part in Matthew,

where Jesus walks on the water

during a storm.

It seemed so much more doable on flannel board.

But I just love the words Jesus' speaks to the frightened disciples,

"Take heart, it is I. Do not be afraid." Matt. 14:27

Rest in that.