The Best Day.

Happy Valentines Day!!

Yes, it's pretty much my favorite day of the year.

I love it.

Everyone is wearing red & pink

and wishing each other Happy Days.

And this year,

I get to go out on a date with Stuart.

I hope he wears his bow tie.

I hope we dance.

I hope your day is full of love.

If you're single, please remember

the wait will be worth it.

God is love,

Love endures all things.

XOXO.

Kind-hearted.

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything." 1 John 4:19-20

It's funny,

Sometimes it's easy to love others.

And is almost impossible to love ourselves.

That has been true for me lately.

I've been really hard on myself.

Whispering untruths.

Double guessing my dreams.

Doubting my talents.

Playing comparisons.

I forget grace,

and I forget that Christ is in me,

that I am on a journey toward becoming exactly who he made me to be.

"Little children,

you are from God and have overcome them,

for he who is in you is greater

than he who is in the world

...We are from God."

1 John 4:4-5

God is love.

Love is kind.

(Even to ourselves).

Steadfast Love.

"And I will betroth you to me forever.

I will betroth you to me in righteousness

and in justice,

in steadfast love

and in mercy.

I will betroth you me in faithfulness.

And you shall know the Lord."

Hosea 2:19-20

His love is steadfast.

Fixed.

Unwavering.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,

his mercies never come to an tend;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul,

'therefore I will hope in him'"

Lamentations 3:22

God is love.

Love hopes all things.

(Even when some things are lost).

Enamored.

I've been asking God to show me who I am

past comparisons,

or self-imposed standards

expectations,

or attempts to please others.

I want to see myself the way God sees me.

And the word that comes to mind is enamored.

We have a God who is enamored with us.

Who gives us beauty for ashes

blessing

praise

honor

everlasting joy

a new name.

. . .

Your new name will be "The City of God's Delight"

and "The Bride of God,

for the Lord delights in you

and will claim you as his bride.

Isaiah 62:4

Hephzibah, "my delight is in her"

I am loved.

Grasping Grace.

I haven't been living like I have been given grace.

I'm a perfectionist,

a people pleaser;

I'm determined,

a goal seeker.

And I've been running in circles

trying to earn God's love.

It's not about salvation for me;

It's about being lovable.

But this past week I've been shown some powerful truths.

"I have never stopped loving her"

God loves us even when we are unlovable.

Nothing I can do will impress God,

Jesus did that through His scars.

What I do for God isn't important,

it's about what He has done for me.

Grace is free, I can't buy it.

I have peace with God.

I still don't get it.

I feel a little lost when I read Romans.

But like my spiritual mentor said to me,

"If you grasp this, it's going to change your life."

"Grace received but unexpressed is dead grace. To spend one's time debating how grace is received or how much commitment is necessary for salvation, without getting into what is means to live by grace and enjoy the magnificent freedom it provides, quickly leads to a counterproductive argument. . .My plea is that we claim it and allow it to set us free. When we do, grace will become what it was meant to be--really amazing. When that happens, our whole countenance changes."--Charles Swindoll, The Grace Awakening

Disenchanted.

There's this broken part of me,

that always wants to love something created

instead of the creator.

There's this tension in me,

to chase things created by God

instead of God.

I see it in my dreams,

in my hopes,

in my hurts,

in my anxiousness,

in my pursuits.

"Everyone must live for something. Something must capture our imaginations, our heart's most fundamental allegiance and hope. But, the Bible tells us, without the intervention of the Holy Spirit, that object will never be God himself."--Tim Keller, Counterfeit Gods

False loves.

You disappoint

You are so empty;

God.

The riches of your love will always be enough.

The hope you give will never disappoint.

I'm running to your arms.

Singing this song,

praying it will become true

in me.

My heart will sing

no other name.

Jesus.

Pursuit.

Love.

I think it's the most complicated command of all.

I think it's sometimes the hardest action to give.

Love anyways.

Even when the giving seems endless,

and the taking begins to empty you.

Pursue love.

The 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love

that doesn't insist on it's own way.

that is not irritable

or resentful.

The kind that bears all things,

endures all things.

Because someday,

you might just find somebody who loves

as strongly and sacrificially as you love.

Together you'll make the world better.

Let love purify you.

Let love make you stronger.

Conquest.

I feel pursued.

The Lord has completely been showing me His love.

Lately.

This verse feels true:

Cheer up, Zion!

Don't be afraid!

For the Lord you God is living among you.

He is a mighty savior.

He will take delight in you with gladness.

With his love, he will calm all your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Zephaniah 3:16-17

I mean, that's what

every sunrise

sunset,

budding lily,

and answered prayer

is:

God's way of wooing us to himself.

"My whole hearts has not one single grain,

this moment,

of thirst after approbation.

I feel alone with God;

He fills the void;

I have not one wish,

one will,

one desire,

but in Him;

He hath set my feet in a large room.

I have wondered

and stood amazed that God should

make a conquest of all within me by love."

--Lady Huntington

He is delighting and rejoicing and pursuing you,

look for it.

Horizon

via weheartit.com

I was reading through my journals from Ireland this morning,

and the pain and confusion I felt there is splayed across every page.

It was a daily struggle for me,

that journey.

And yet, I can see verses,

verses that kept me from drowning.

quotes that gave me hope.

"The thing is to rely on God. The time will come when you will regard all this misery as a small price to pay for having been brought to that dependence. Meanwhile the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing has been done." --C.S. Lewis

And as I'm about embark on another journey tomorrow:

Panama,

Internship,

New everything.

I have this feeling of fear,

fear that it will be as devastating as Ireland was.

But even if it is,

God has a purpose.

And His are so much better than mine.

So I'll rely on him anew today.

And he is whispering,

"I want to show you horizons you have never seen before"

A Day.

Some glorious morn--but when? Ah,who will say?

The steepest mountain will become a plain.

And the parched land will be satisfied with rain.

The gates of brass all broken; iron bars,

Transfigured, form a ladder to the stars

Rough places, plain, and crooked ways all straight.

For him who with patient heart can wait.

These things will be on God's appointed day.

It may not be tomorrow--yet it may.

Take heart, When God requires you to wait.

Held.

Faith, when walking through the dark with God,

only asks Him to hold his hand more tightly

-Phillip Brooks

Bright Spot: Home

First of all,

Homeward Bound is the worst movie.

Ever.

Second,

It's raining and grey

and I got soaked walking across the quad.

But it's okay!

I'm going HOME.

Right now.

Oh, and I'm in love.

Haha. Gotcha.

But I am in love with this song.

Thank you, Ben Rector...

Listen.

"The hardest part was finding you

But once I did...

I knew."

Truth.

Dynamite.

I love this literal translation of 2 Corinthians 12:10-

"Therefore I take pleasure in being without strength, being insulted, experiencing emergencies, and being chased and forced into a corner for Christ's sake, for when I am without strength, I am dynamite."

Love it.

I cannot do this life myself.

I cannot write well enough

I cannot love well enough

I cannot serve well enough.

I'm too weak,

too flawed.

But He is Strong,

and He is Perfect.

And He works through me when I start trusting and ask Him to.

"My dear God, I have never thanked You for my thorns.

I have thanked you a thousand times for my roses but not once for my thorns.

I have always looked forward to the place where I will be rewarded for my cross,

but I have never thought of my cross as a present glory in itself."

-a blind pastor named George Matheson

Nineteen.

My "little" brother turned 19 last week.

It kind of shocked me!

He's growing up,

graduating,

going to college

with dreams of being a pastor.

He is one of the wisest 19 year-olds I've met.

He's going to be great.

To celebrate, I made him

vanilla bean cupcakes (recipe here)

with buttercream frosting (recipe here).

I was daring and tried something from the Pioneer Woman.

I had to cut open a vanilla bean! So fun.

Mmmm.

He's not a big sweets person

(give him a bag of chips any day),

But I couldn't resist.

Look! He modeled for me. :)

I think he liked them...

Happy Birthday Brother,

You are always going to be "little" to me.

I love you.

Currently.

Idea from yourwishcake (seriously, click it. her blog is amazing).

This is me:

And right now I am...

...trying to force myself to write (on a Friday) a 12 page paper about Augustine, the Christian faith, love, and purity. It should be interesting, right?

...looking forward to making some of these pumpkin-chocolate chip cookies in just five short days when I'm home and have baking soda within reach.

...enjoying wearing scarves and my North Face. Bring on the wind and cold weather!

...embarrasingly sore from doing half of a Jillian Michaels video.

...drinking peppermint mocha and gingerbread chai drinks on a daily basis. One of my favorite things about the holidays is the flavors! Hold the whipcream, please.

...loving the song "So Good to Me" by Cory Asbury. Listen here. Beauty for ashes and solid ground, my friend. Alleluia!

...reading "The Cost of Discipleship" by Bonhoeffer, and realizing in a brand new way that grace is far from cheap. I'm also realizing, as a result, that I need to take that baby step of faith...just take it...and see what happens.

...getting excited about all the possibilities.

A Hobby of Mine.

I love to read.

Give me a book, some juice (I'm trying to lay off the coffee), and a head lamp (really great for camping&reading I found out), and I'll be content for hours.

Or I like this combination, too. A book, a swimsuit, water, and a towel. That's a good one.

Or...A book, a blanket, bug spray, and the Heritage lake. Probably my favorite.

So far, this is my summer reading list. Some are purely for fun, others out of duty, and others because I have to for the Gateway class I'm mentoring. Ready? It's lengthy.

1. House Rules, by Jodi Picoult. I already finished it, and absolutely LOVED it.

2. Keeping Faith, by Jodi Picoult. Again, finished. I read this little guy in 2 1/2 days.

3. So Long, Insecurity, by Beth Moore. I'm halfway through this one, it actually pertains to reality.

4. Once a Runner, by John L. Parker Jr. I bought this one from Borders, which is a big deal. I couldn't resist the words from a writer at Runner's World. He said, "The best piece of running fiction around. Beg, borrow, or buy a copy, and you'll never need another motivator." I was sold.

5. Emma, by Jane Austen. It's a classic, enough said.

6. Grimm's Fairy Tales.

7. Cry, The Beloved Country, by Alan Paton. For class.

8. College Matters to God, by Rick Ostrander. Same as above.

9. The Maltese Falcon, Dashiell Hammett. Class.

10. The Mirror Crack'd, Agatha Cristie. Again.

11. The Bar on the Seine, Georges Simenon. And again.

Well, that's the list for now.

If any of you readers know of a book that you loved, and think is list-worthy...tell me!