Promises.

"I trace the rainbow through the rain,

And feel the promise is not in vain

That morn shall tearless be."

-George Matheson

I'm studying grief and death in one of my classes,

which basically means that I cry

every time we have class.

Which is embarrassing...

Monday it was a man who lost the love of his life

2 months after his son committed suicide.

Yesterday it was a woman who lost her mom

before she could un-resolve the bitterness

Today in chapel it was a woman

who lost not one, but two, children

to a genetic disorder.

And they all say the same thing,

that through those tough trials

they were able to find joy.

Inexplainable joy.

God's promises.

Matthew 5:4-

God blesses those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

It doesn't make sense,

But then, it doesn't have to.

Nineteen.

My "little" brother turned 19 last week.

It kind of shocked me!

He's growing up,

graduating,

going to college

with dreams of being a pastor.

He is one of the wisest 19 year-olds I've met.

He's going to be great.

To celebrate, I made him

vanilla bean cupcakes (recipe here)

with buttercream frosting (recipe here).

I was daring and tried something from the Pioneer Woman.

I had to cut open a vanilla bean! So fun.

Mmmm.

He's not a big sweets person

(give him a bag of chips any day),

But I couldn't resist.

Look! He modeled for me. :)

I think he liked them...

Happy Birthday Brother,

You are always going to be "little" to me.

I love you.

Marvelous Light

Sometimes, remembering is painful.

Old hurts never seem to totally go away.

But then I remember His words,

"Forget the things that were,

and press on toward the things I am about to do,

...they are marvelous."

"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live,

but Christ lives in me.

So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God,

who loved me and gave himself for me."

-Galations 2:20

Goal: 13.1

7 days from today I'll be running my first 1/2 marathon!

Bah! I'm getting so nervous already!

Here are a few things I'm going to try to do for the next week:

-Take an iron pill 1-2 times a day. (It's not overdosing if you're anemic)

-Drink at least 3 bottles of water a day (ugh, that's a lot for me).

-Drink less coffee. (Notice, I say "less" not "none").

-Ice my achilles tendon every day.

-Roll my IT band(s) every day.

-Stretch, stretch, stretch.

-Try not to psych myself out...

PS-This picture makes me laugh.

If they can do it, so can I!

Sick.

Yesterday I drove an hour (without getting lost, thanks to a talking GPS!)

to spend the morning with my grandpa.

He had been thinking about what we should do for the day,

so he took me shopping. Antique shopping.

You've probably guessed it by now.

My grandpa is dying.

I mean, we all are,

He's just on a fast track.

(But then, he always was-he's an amazing runner).

But that's the most amazing part.

You would never know.

He is the most positive, lovely man I know.

He spent the day giving to me.

Gifts, time, macaroni and cheese,

A running watch.

An article about running back when he was in in the KC Star

(told you so).

And I spent the day memorizing,

the way he breathes when he hugs me,

his arm in mine,

his singer's voice.

If you need a book to read,

Read "Tuesday's with Morrie."

And when you're done,

you'll understand.

In the meantime, pray for my Grandpa.

The leukemia has moved to his right lung,

and he starts chemo again Monday.

Lately.

Who I am at lately: Single

I had to interview for a position a few weeks ago,

and at the end of the interview they asked me a question

"just for fun."

How would you describe yourself in one word?

I don't even remember what I said--something dorky

like passionate or determined.

Today, though, if I had to describe myself in one word,

it would be single.

My friends and I joke about how I haven't been single since 9th grade

(Which is far more true than funny, actually).

For years, now, I have hopped from relationship to relationship.

I joke that I was "serial dating," a term that I might have made up.

But, recently I've been become thankful to be single...

Because I've been so undistracted lately.

I'm not planning a wedding.

Or wondering when I'll get engaged.

Or trying to find time to call him.

Or even worrying about who he is.

With a single heart, I've begun to experience Christ's love more deeply.

He is my hope.

my song.

my light.

my love.

my salvation.

And His love is so wide.

and long.

and high.

and deep.

I finally found where I belong. Just to be with Him.

Listen.

Recently I've been learning the importance of listening.

Too often I get caught up in finding answers.

in giving advice

And I forget the value of caring about someone

enough to be patient,

be silent,

be present.

And listen.

Afterall, it's the first step to loving,

hearing.

"I believe in being present," Morrie said. "That means you're with the person you're with."

-From Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Albom