I've never been very good at hiding,
but I sure try to anyways.
I'm learning so many things about myself as I
"open the door to my own therapy"
in my counseling program
Like my desperate need for approval,
and my surprisingly terrible communication skills.
Looking forward is scary, intimidating,
and it's starting to look pretty lonely.
I've spent much of my life beside someone,
searching for approval in opposite sex relationships.
Most of them have ended,
and that's a struggle for me.
Especially when I get caught up in comparison
and the silly game of asking why God is good to everyone except me.
But then I catch a glimpse of the Kingdom,
of God's prevailing love for me,
and the opportunity to be satisfied in Him.
I read this article and was blown away by these words:
"But I want to be married. I pray to that end every day. I may meet someone and walk down the aisle in the next couple of years because God is so good to me. I may never have another date and die an old maid at 93 because God is so good to me. Not my will but his be done." -Paige Benton Brown
What if I could speak such words with conviction.
What if it became okay for me to stop searching,
to see the value and opportunity in where I am.
What if I let myself be free to be God's and no one else's.
What if I remembered that he offers
Beauty for Ashes
Joy for Mourning
Belonging for Loneliness
Security for Desperation
(Isaiah 61)
