Heaven is here

I sat listening to the audio of a Al-Anon Speaker in front of my class of families in recovery. 

The speaker had already taught me more than I thought I had ever taught the group. 

It was nearing the end of our hours together and I was ready to turn off the tape 

when her voice rang out, 

"We were sitting in Bible Study one night, 

and we were talking about what Heaven would be like...

you know, about how broccoli would taste like chocolate and that intellectual stuff...

when my husband suddenly said, 

'What if heaven is right here, and we are f---ing it up.'"

Heaven is right here. 

Heaven is in my drive home from work

when the hills roll to my apartment and I get a glimpse of Clinton Lake. 

Heaven is when my clients understand something new about themselves. 

Heaven is coming home to my husband.
It is sitting next to him on a comfortable couch with food to fill our stomachs. 

Heave in reconnecting with an old friend.
Heaven is crunchy fall leaves on my walk to my car.
Heaven is a warm room of believers, sharing what God has been whispering to them.

Heaven is all around me...and I mess it up everyday. 

I create my own unhappiness almost daily. 

I do it through comparison,

and through focusing on my past mistakes until I cannot move on. 

I do it through holding onto a grouchy attitude 

and believing even for one second that I'm not good enough. 

Fear. Pride.

I know these are Satan's ways of keeping me from noticing the Heaven around me. 

And I really hate the way he steals from me. 

He steals my time. He steals my possibility.

The negativity bleeds into my relationships.

The negativity drains the colors.

My fight is to remember the overflowing Joy and connection

I can have if I just ask for it. 

The creator of Heaven is trying to tell me how much he loves me.

How much I matter.

How much worth I have.
Believing his loving whispers is part of my process.