The Story: 6 Months in.

Saturday 28 January 2012





It's finally (about) time to let everyone in on something that's happening in my life.

Six months ago today...
I went to a small camp in Missouri with my fellow OBC interns.
We arrived, got out of the bus, unpacked, and went directly to our cave tour.

Windermere Cave, in Roach, Missouri next to Lake of the Ozarks.
That's where I met Stuart,
...well "Stu" as he introduced himself.

My first impression of Stuart was, "He is really loud"
(He still really enjoys being loud).

We spent an hour in the cave.
"Stu" led us in a devotion about light&darkness.
I was the answer to his prayer.
I brought up the topic of darkness.

The next day I floated the Niangua.
And there he was again,
standing on a trailer
above the rest of us
a life vest around
his chest,
shouting out instructions.

He remembered Brittany's name, but forgot mine.
But he commented on my Chacos.
Told me I must know what I was doing.

My second impression of Stuart was,
"He doesn't know who I am."

Two days later, at a music video shooting,
he showed up again as the videographer.
He offered a ride in his truck.
He was playing classical music.
We talked about rock climbing,
our life stories.

My third impression of Stuart was,
"Why is this so easy?"

And that's how it has stayed.
Easy.

We probably don't seem like two people who go together.
I love reading,
he loves movies.
I quote Anne Lammot,
he quotes "Step Brothers"
I see the glass half-empty,
he sees the glass overflowing.

He is a ropes course technician
a river guide,
a videographer,
an artist,
a dreamer,
and has his own up & coming clothing line.

But everyday he reminds me
to find my hope in the Lord,
to look for things to be thankful for,
to breathe in the outdoors,
to look inside.

He's so good for me,
And I'm thankful.



Happy 6 Months, Stuart Brand.




The Beauty.

Thursday 26 January 2012



I just finished reading this memoir:

(I mean, Oprah and Target recommended it.)

And it was probably the most beautiful book I've ever experienced.
It's about a Harvard graduate who learns the child she's pregnant with has Down's Syndrome.
And the way he changes her life for the better.

Anyways...

There's this part where she asks quits seeing people by the labels they wear,
and she starts seeing the person behind each mask.
And she realizes that there is this incredible beauty in every person.
She could only do it for a minute, because the beauty inside others was
so beautiful it hurt.

I tried this in chapel the other day.
Everyone was worshipping,
and I quit judging for a second,
I quit critically listening to the worship band,
and I asked God to show me the beauty in the room.
And all of the sudden everyone was...shining.
For a split second I felt a fracture of God's pleasure at our worship.
I felt tears starting to come, so I quickly turned it off.



I hope that's what heaven will be like.

Hoping.

Wednesday 18 January 2012


Recently I've been having a struggle to find hope.
It's really hard for me not to know what's coming next.
I'm a person who dwells easier in the future than the present.

And I feel like I'm wandering around in the dark.

It took me a while to turn to the one who is Hope.
I tossed around for a couple of weeks before I started opening my Bible again.

And I was given these words:

"You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.

This I know, that God is for me.

In God, whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
...
That I may walk before God
in the light of life."

Psalm 56:8+

God is for me,
and he saves my tears...
I find hope in that.

See-thru

Saturday 14 January 2012


Love is the only thing on earth that lets us see each other with the remotest accuracy.
-Martha Beck



Why are we all so darn afraid of letting other see in?

Learning to write again.

Thursday 12 January 2012


I've been working on applying for Grad school.
I've been overwhelmed by what the schools want to know about me.
I have to write essays that convey who I am and what I'm passionate about.
The newest essay has surprised me.
The question is: What are your spiritual gifts?
...
I don't exactly know.
So, I took a free online test.
And, surprise, my Spiritual Gift is writing.
I don't know what this says for my future as a counselor,
but I love to write.

When I learn something, spiritual or not,
I have this desire to write & share it.
Learning gives me something to say.

But recently I have been stifling that something and have become to afraid to say it.
I'm afraid of what other people will think.
I mean, this is the world wide web.
Anyone could read my thoughts
and agree or disagree;
be hurt or be motivated.

Which is especially scary if authenticity is something I truly want to live out.


Today in chapel we were asked to realize our gift
-the one that brings God glory-
and give it back to Him.

Writing.
I surrendered my writing to Him.

Then, 30 minutes later, I read this little pdf:
http://goinswriter.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/The-Writers-Manifesto.pdf

and then this one:
http://epicelephantdesigns.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Starting-Over-A-Manifesto-By-Michael-Perkins.pdf

And then I felt like writing again.
I'm not making a plan.
I'm just going to start writing,
again,
more,
often,
for myself,
for God's glory.

And see what happens.


Fear less.

Wednesday 4 January 2012


"No matter what's gone wrong, it can be a precious gift.
No matter how often you've been hurt, you can trust your heart's desires."-Martha Beck
This year, I will love with less fear.