Back.

It has been so long since I wrote anything.

I wish to excuse my absence to grad school, business, the holiday rush.

But in reality, it's because I lost myself.

I couldn't find congruency and genuineness.

So I didn't write.

Losing yourself happens sneakily,

behind your back.

And you're always losing yourself to something,

someone.

But the tradeoff only left me empty,

and ultimately alone.

Because when we give up who we are,

we lose nearly everything.

I'm back
by circumstance, not by choice,

(which is an amazing thing I call grace).

Who knows how long I would have exhausted myself

running on a path I never belonged,

faking my way.

No, I was just a shiny Christian girl

who gave everything she had to people, friends, and job.

I was a rule-follower and I wanted people around me to be happy.

How is that a dangerous equation?

Oh, believe me.

It can be.

But the good thing about losing yourself
is that the process allows you to pick
which pieces you want back,
and which ones need to be lost forever.

I want to be a genuine follower of Christ,
a girl who gives up everything for the sake of the Gospel.
I want to love others in a way that feeds freedom, not compromise.
And I want to accept Grace in a way that fosters self-acceptance.

It's my process. I hope it helps yours.