Love You

My friend Patty Kirk said this

in her book The Easy Burden of Pleasing God

"Look at the unhappiest people you now

and you are sure to notice some crucial 

lack or loss of love at the root of it all.

Childhood abandonment or rejection.

The loss--through death or debilitating illness or adultery--of someone beloved.

An overwhelming sense of being unlovable.

A self image so damaged as to prevent one from loving even oneself."

As a counselor I think this is on point.

I see the struggle to love ourselves everyday--

and not just at work.

I see the struggle in myself all day long.

I see myself push others who want to love me away

because I don't feel lovable.

I wake up everyday and easily find something wrong--

with my body, with my work performance, with my identity as a wife.

Even after years of working on insecurity and negative self-talk,

I still find it there every time I let down my guard.
I don't love myself.

Feeling unlovable makes me want to hide,
to pretend to be better than I am.
To shy away from community, new friends.
To distance myself from my husband, physically and emotionally.
I feel more and more alone this way,
less and less loved.

For me it comes back to seeing myself though God's eyes--

to listening to my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful, and believing him.

to continually fighting against insecurity, pride, and vanity,

to find contentment with my own strengths, instead of comparing them to others.

Love is kind (even to ourselves)

Love does not envy.
Love does not boast.