Risk It

Risks are vital in every part of our lives, in our spiritual life, in our relationships, in making our dreams come true. I don't want to be afraid of being hurt, I don't want to close my heart to possibilities, I don't want to live a life of fear.

"Make the choice adventurous stranger. Strike the bell and bide the danger or wonder 'till it drives you mad what would have happened if you had"-CS Lewis

Scrapes heal; Scars tell a story.

Break

Spring Break:: I travelled twelve hours plus in a suburban with 8 people, squished between two 6' boys. I went to the beach. I attempted to water ski. I got a tan. I got closer to friends. I went on a walk on the beach with my boyfriend. I watched K State win...I watched K State lose. I was hit in the face with a frisbee...and have a pretty green scab between my eyes to show for it. I learned that people, at times, stress me out. I ate way too much food. I was able to get up early and journal and read my Bible every day. I missed my family.

Now it's back to school for 5 ish more weeks.

I need to start figuring out what my life needs to look like this summer. I'm envisioning something annoying: 8 AM classes at the junior college, maybe another 6 PM class...and work squished in between there, maybe.

Life doesn't stop. Sometimes I wish it would.

Eat at McDonalds in formal attire

I discovered something about myself recently...I'm an impulse buyer. Sometimes I purchase things on a whim.

Like this book I bought at Borders the other day...I was waiting for someone so I picked up one of the random pocket books that are in the front of the store and started reading, the next thing I knew I had bought the thing and was happily carrying it out of the store. I really do like the little paperback, though. It's called "Dream It. List It. Do It: How to Live a Bigger & Bolder Life" Yeah, I probably could have come up with a better title, but it actually has some pretty great, although sometimes unrealistic, ideas in it!

Here are a few:

-Swim with Sharks in a cage.

-Risk failure.

-Race motorcycles.

-Slow dance in a paking lot.

-Hula hoop in the middle of a busy intersection.

-Blow Bubbles in a mall.

-Pretend you don't speak english.

-Eat at McDonalds in formal evening attire.

-Be the right person instead of trying to find the right person.

-Play with penguins at the south pole.

-Visit an orphanage in Uganda

-Do yoga in India.

-Have a mind-blowing perfect kiss.

-Climb more...and don't be afraid of falling.

-Finish writing my book-and get it published.

-Make your dreams come true.

If Not You, Who?

Dedicated to: Kerrie, Claire, and Margaret Bingham

This is Dr. Derick Bingham, the most inspirational professor I have ever had. He passed away this week after battling cancer for a number of years, and as glad as I am that he is no longer suffering, I think that this world is a duller place in his absence. Dr. Bingham was the first teacher who truly believed in me as a writer. He taught Masterpieces of Irish Literature to the Irish Studies group last semester. Through him I learned to fall more in love with CS Lewis, I learned to appreciate the poets of Ireland like Seamus Heaney and Michael Longley, and I learned what it looks like to dream again. Derick took the papers that I turned into him and used them to encourage me, to show me that I could be a writer after all.

I remember leaving his classes wanting nothing more than to sit and journal and write for hours. He inspired me and he is my inspiration still.

He would quote us this little stanza at least once a week while we were at lunch or sitting drinking tea. He would say, "If not you, who.

If not now, when.

If not here, where"

I still remember the first day that I met him. His eyes were always shining and full of life and hope and dreams of the future. He was never like my other professors. He was always a few notches more passionate, more extreme, more excited, more in love with God than the others. The first day I met him, I remember him staring out at the lake behind Lakeside Manor and saying, "God did not bring you all the way across the Atlantic to drown you in a ditch. He has plans for you." That quote kept me alive in times of homesickness and despair that I faced during those three months.

Derick Bingham didn't decide to teach us JBU students because he was asked to, or because he needed the extra money. No, he taught us because he wanted to teach us how to love writing with our whole hearts. He said that first day, "With all of my heart and soul, I am going to try to convince you to start writing." And there was something in his eyes, in the way his hands flew around him in excited uncontrolled motions, something in the determined scrunching of his brow...I knew that he meant it.

Fall in love I did. I fell in love with writing, with the dream of getting published, with Ireland, and with Derick Bingham himself.

Discipline

I realized yesterday, during Old Testament class how glad I am that I have a God who disciplines me.

I've been reading Ezekiel recently, it is kind of a random book filled with lots of rebellion, funeral songs and a random story about two eagles, but the story line speaks to my heart. Israel was a rebellious nation who continuously chose other things as more important than God, and yet God didn't give up on them. He chose to love them through disciplining them; he didn't give up on their holiness.

"I will rule over you with an iron fist in great anger and with awesome power. And in anger I will reach out with my strong hand and powerful arm, and I will bring you back from the lands where you are scattered. I will bring you into the wilderness of the nations, and there I will judge you face to face. I will judge you there just as I did your ancestors in the wilderness after bringing them out of Egypt...I will examine you carefully and hold you to the terms of the covenant." -Ezekiel 20: 33-37.

I used to be terrified of this kind of language, but after Old Testament class (we're studying Exodus and Deuteronomy) I see it differently. This is a God who is in love with His people. He is angry because the people whom he has pursued and adored and lavished upon have chosen other lovers instead of Himself. His law and His covenant are love letters addressed to His bride.

I never thought of it like that.