Conflict

Back in grad school, our teachers brought up a touchy conversation.

"Do you want to be a Christian Counselor,"

they asked,

"Or a counselor who is Christian?"

I know what my pastor would want me to say, 

I know what my 24 years of Christian Education taught me...but

I have a really hard time saying I want to be a Christian Counselor.

I don't want to have all Christian clients.

I don't want to pray together before every session 

or share a devotional together as we end the 50 minutes.

I would rather sit with those who gave up on God,

who question Him and ask hard questions,

who doubt the existence someone who could still love them.

I've also been asked, 

"How do you not share Christ with you clients,

after all, He's the only one who can save them from _____."

Fill in the blank with what you want...

depression,

mental illness,

addiction,

shame and guilt.

But I don't think the regular Christian answers work.

"He's in control"

"Everything happens for a reason"

"He won't give you more than you can handle"

Statements like these make my clients roll their eyes,

and push God even further away.

And this is my inner conflict.

My code of ethics tell me not push my personal beliefs onto others.

My Christian faith tells me to share the Good News.

So, I get up each day and pray for my clients.

I ask God to let others see Him through me.

I ask to be an example of love and grace.

I ask everyday for wisdom and strength.

Most importantly, I ask questions about the fear, doubt, and mistrust

I wonder out loud about their relationship with a Higher Power.

I point out the competing belief in themselves, of their right to an uncomplicated life.

And in these ways, 

maybe I am a Christian Counselor after all.