"When one of your dreams come true, you begin to look at the others more carefully." -Anon

I'll miss you...

What do I look forward to and put all else aside for every Saturday and Sunday night at precisely 8 PM? X Factor!

Yeah, I'll admit I've been converted from American Idol to the UK's version, X Factor. Although, I think it might largely have to do with a certain contestant who I kind of love... I honestly think X Factor is on my list of top 10 things that I'll miss in Ireland.

Watch this video, and you'll understand::

So, on to my top 10 things that I'll miss...

10-Magnum Bars

9-Phizzy Pigtails

8-Pizza Express

7-X Factor ((Olly))

6-Shopping in downtown Belfast (H&M, Avoca)

5-Running with the Irish scenery to stare at

4-Cutting everyone's hair in the laundry room. (Won't miss the smell though)

3-My new friends: Jonny, Tori, Ben, Kerrie and Claire

2-My lakeside family

1-Hadden/Grandpa Wilson

Only one week until this season of my life ends...

"There are no stars as lovely as Edinburgh street lamps" --Robert Louis Stevenson

What a Beautiful World

What a beautiful world we live in. You know, it really is a small world after all...

Before you start conjuring up images of little chinese dolls bobbing their heads and singing or get the song stuck in your head, hear me out.

I always thought of the world as this unknown place that was completely beyond me, somewhere waaay beyond my comfort zone. I saw buses as places for the less fortunate, a place full of germs. I saw downtown alleys as places where drugs were sold, and I was perfectly content living my suburban life. I was afraid of what was beyond my circle of influence.

But now that I've been out of the United States for about three months, and have begun to call my home Belfast, I've realized how much more there is to the world, and to life. The "world" isn't just some intangible idea, it's a place I've gotten closer to touching with my own fingertips. The "world" is both good and bad. It is both the bent, homeless man on the streets of Edinburgh and the smiling, hard-working bus driver. The "world" is both the shady strip club on Grassmarket street, and the beautiful, exquisite St. Peter's Cathedral. Both the littered, gum-freckled streets of Scotland and the glassy, reflective lake with the pure white swan balancing on top. The "world" is full of strangers with unknown stories sitting on the bus next to me reading their newspapers or laughing at their inside jokes, and full of new friends with beautiful hearts and beautiful families. The "world" is contrasted. There is the definitely the ugly and the beautiful, the detestable and the splendid. I choose to be careful but unafraid, to explore and not hide.

All that to say that Edinburgh was beautiful, I loved Princes Street, the Royal Mile and Edinburgh castle the best, and we had a lovely apartment where I was able to relax and grow closer to my friends. It was such a nice Thanksgiving Break, although I did miss gathering with my family and meeting my cousin's new boyfriend...I still had a fantastic time.

I'm going to Scotland tomorrow!!!

We have Thanksgiving break starting tomorrow, lasting until Saturday, and I'm flying to Scotland. Gosh, sometimes I still can't believe that this is me, in Europe, flying to London and Scotland, just because I can. It is just so unreal.

We are flying into Glasglow and then taking a bus to Edinbrugh (pronounced Edin-burrow, not Edin-burg, mind you) where we'll spend our days looking at castles and frolicking in the highlands! It is going to be such a needed break!

I think I have finally reached the point where each day is exciting and new, an adventure. I have quit fretting about what I am missing at John Brown or at home, and am content just being me, in Europe, making new friends, being emerged in a new culture, and loving life as I know it. Finally. Too bad I only have three short weeks left in this beautiful place.

This is a quote from the song "My Desire" by Jeremy Camp"::

"All my life I have seen where you've taken me. Beyond all I have hoped, and there is more left unseen..."

This is so true for me right now. And I am just so excited for the unseen.

The Word "No"

Today Erin and I had to go to downtown Belfast and conduct a survey for our Politics class. We have both been dreading doing this ever since September when we received the assignment. Anyways, we took our notebook and pen and hopped on the bus and complained about how awful it was going to be for the entire 20 minute bus ride. We go off the bus and looked around for a kind face who wouldn't turn us away when we asked them if we could ask them 10 questions about social issues. But, the truth is it didn't even turn out to be so bad. It was hard for me to go up to strangers and talk to them, but we only got rejected once! I think it was partially because we were little blonde girls from America with funny accents, but either way, it was a growing experience.

Then Ross Wilson, a talented and uber-friendly Irish artist came and talked to our class in the afternoon. He said something that made me think, he told us that he learned early on in his career not to be afraid of the word "no"...this really connected with what I had been learning with Erin. Don't be afraid of rejection, because the worst they could do is say "no" and that's really not so bad. There are hundreds of scarier things than the word "no", like rats and spiders and guns and knives.

Just a small thought.

Be My Everything

Sometimes, everyone else seems to have it all. The right job, the right personality, the right boyfriend/fiance. Sometimes I get this sick feeling in my stomach that my life isn't going to turn out the way that I want it to, that I messed up somewhere. Sometimes, I hurt.

This song has spoken to my heart in those times, it is the cry of my heart tonight. It doesn't matter if I'm laughing or weeping, He won't abandon me. I need to quit telling God that He isn't enough when He is all I have left.

"Be My Everything":: Listen here

God in my hoping

There in my dreaming

God in my watching

God in my waiting

God in my laughing

There in my weeping

God in my hurting

God in my healing

Be my everything

"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness" -2 Corinthians 12:9

"I would run for a thousand miles

If I knew every step would be getting me closer

For my Lord is the Treasure"

(Treasure by Desperation Band)

Soaked in Surrender

I forced myself out of my warm bed this Saturday morning, I knew I needed the time alone to vent some of the stress from yesterday. I went through the motions of running clothes, socks, shoes, and out the door. I was greeted with cold, wet, rain.

I immediately regretted what I was about to do, but with a deep breath, I started my running watch and took off down the rocky road filled with puddles.

There's a big difference between running from the rain and running in the rain.

Some people love rain, they see it as God comforting them, God's tears poured out for them.

I don't, I dislike the rain. It makes me sad, and the grey clouds suck all the energy out of me. I've been forced to get used to this because I just described what it is like 7 out of 10 days in Ireland.

As I ran this morning I looked carefully at the effects the rain was having on the world around me. There were deep puddles filled with muddy brown water, the usually calm river I run beside was alive with angry, swirling currents, the usually crunchy leafs had gone soft and soggy.

Upset, I stopped running at one point and walked up some stairs to this tall bridge that runs over the river. This is not what I had in mind when I pictured myself running out the stressful things that have been bogging my mind recently. The rain was distracting me, bringing me down. I stopped and lifted my face up to meet the falling rain. And in that moment something inside of me let go. I gave up the tension I was feeling, let the rain wash it away. Surrender.

As I stood there I remembered some of the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, it's a beautiful song that some of my friends wrote.

"The Rain" -By Last Place

God you know why my heart aches

Though I never do

God you see, my tears at night

And I'm crying to you

Though I am weak

I will seek you

I will seek you in this hour

You're all I need

I will lay my burdens down

You're all I need

I will praise you in my pain

You're all I need

I will seek you in the rain

It's getting colder and I can't swim

Though I'm trying my best to

I'm going under and it's hard to breath

But I'm clinging to you.

Though I am weak

I will seek you

I will seek you in this hour

You're all I need

I will lay my burdens down

You're all I need

I will praise you in my pain

You're all I need

I will seek you in the rain.

My face

Is soaked in complete surrender

This place

Is flooded with mercies unsaid

Your grace

Is brushing me swiftly away

Oh embrace me

Tell me it will all be okay

Someday

But as for now

I will seek you in this hour

You're all I need

I will lay my burdens down

You're all I need

I will praise you in my pain

You're all I need

I will seek you in the rain.

It's a beautiful song, listen to it here:

For the rest of my run I ran in the rain and not from it, soaked in surrender.

"Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby" -Langston Hughes

InStyle

I am shamelessly addicted to Instyle Magazine.These are a few of the things that caught my attention

in the December Issue:

The "Snood"

I'm not quite sure what to think of this, I actually think it's a little rediculous, but I might try one on the next time I'm in H&M. After all, Instyle calls it "the accessory of the season."

DAISY by Mac Jacobs

I tested this the other day...it's delicious. It has a firm position on my Christmas Wish List.

Statement Headbands.

I love these!

Shoeboots.

Brittany bought a pair of these at H&M the other day, I love them.

Bright Tights.

Everyone in Europe wears these, too bad left all mine at home.

Bloom

Then the time came when the risk it took

To remain in a bud was more painful

Than the risk it took to bloom"

-Anais Nin

Marvelous Light

Monday are usually my least favorite day of the week. But not today.

I woke up at 7 AM and went on a run, drank some coffee, ate some french toast and was met by God all in the course of 4 hours. It was brilliant (a term the Irish use for everything).

This song pretty much sums up my morning:

Marvelous Light

I once was fatherless,

A stranger with no hope;

Your kindness wakened me,

Awakened me, from my sleep

Your love it beckons deeply,

A call to come and die.

By grace now I will come

And take this life, take your life.

Sin has lost it's power,

Death has lost it's sting.

From the grave you've risen

VICTORIOUSLY.

Into marvelous light I'm running,

Out of darkness, out of shame.

By the cross you are the truth, You are the life, you are the way.

My dead heart now is beating,

My deepest stains now clean.

Your breath fills up my lungs.

Now I'm free, now I'm free!

Lift my hands and spin around,

See the light that I have found.

Oh the marvelous light

Marvelous light

Lift my hands and spin

See the light within...

Callie and I ran our forest run today.

It was muddy, slippery and squishy. I almost fell down the little ravine at one point, attempting to stay on dry land, away from the muckiest part. Once we emerged from the trees, we made a sharp left and started up a drier path, up an abupt hill. The hill was straight up, and I tried my best to keep my eyes focused on the leaf covered path directly in front of me, rather than on the looming monster ahead. At points, I felt like I was barely moving, that I was in slow-motion, each step a difficulty. I finally reached the hill and turned around, hands on my hips, gasping for breath. And I was overcome by a magnificent work of art, brushstrokes that only God could paint. Beautiful in the most awesome sense. It was a foggy morning, and the fog had settled over the lake below and was cascading over the hills and valleys of the Irish countryside. The sun was sending rays streaming through the mist, the light was soft and soothing. I breathed it all in. Beauty is a curious thing, it takes our mind off of the pain. I think God created beauty to restore our hurting hearts, to remind us that the pain of this world will be nothing once our eyes fall on eternity.

"Beauty puts a face on God. When we gaze at nature, at a loved one, at a work of art, our soul immediately recognizes and is drawn to the face of God."

-Margaret Brownley

Callie caught up to me and stopped her running watch so she could take in the view. She spread her arms wide, threw her head back and said, unashamedly, "THANK YOU."

Into marvelous light I'm running, out of darkness, out of shame.

spirals

"Life is a journey up a spiral staircase, as we grow older we cover the ground covered before, only higher up; as we look down the winding stair below us we measure our progress by the number of places we were but no longer are. The journey is both repetitious and progressive; we go both round and upward" --W.B. Yeats

Simple

Ever since I travelled eastward, across the Atlantic Ocean to the lovely Island of Ireland, I've fallen in love some of the most simple things.

Post Cards. I love the way such a small commercially printed card can travel all the way to Kansas/Arkansas with my love to the people I care about.

"Letters to absence can a voice impart,

And lend a tongue when distance gags the heart"

-Horace Walpole.

Poetry. I used to think poetry was stuffy, that it had too many rules. That was before I was introduced to Seamus Heaney. I love his writing and the way he makes poetry personal.

Here's a taste of Heaney:

Scaffolding

Masons, when they start upon a building,

Are Careful to test out the scaffolding;

Make sure that planks won't slip at busy points,

Secure ladders, tighten bolted joints.

And yet all this comes down when the job's done,

Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.

So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be

Old bridges breaking down between you and me,

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall,

Confident that we have built our wall.

Running. The scenery of Ireland has made me fall back in love with

running, a sport that I have never fully committed to before. I do things that I never would have done before to keep my relationship with running strong. I wake up at 7 AM, I run in the rain, I climb steep hills so I can have a better view of the rolling Irish hills, I run through mud so I can be closer to the trees, I climbed over a gigantic tree today that had fallen in the middle of the trail, blocking the path, ...It's great. But my shoes are ruined.