Honestly.

Faith. Trust. Hope. 

The things I keep asking the Lord to foster in me. 

But if I'm honest, 

the thing that I keep resenting

and being bitter about 

is my singleness.

There is this lie that I can't keep away,

telling me that 

God must love him or her more,

because they are settling into a "dream life" 

with their "perfect match"

While I settle into a known life

here at home.

I miss adventure,

being known,

feeling human acceptance.

I know that I should love this time of singleness,

that I won't ever get it back.

I can make a list of all the things

I couldn't do right now if I were in that place

(Like a counselor made me do once)

But I still can't help hating it. 

It's one day at a time, 

growing to believe in God's good purposes for me.

to fall in love with the Lover of my soul.

to memorize Truth as a replacement to these lies.

Paul's prayer is my prayer:

 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more & more, with knowledge & all discernment, so that you may prove what is excellent, and so be pure & blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory & praise of God."(Philippians 1:9-11)