Just Fine.

I decided to link up to Emily Freeman's blogpost today for her new release of her book, Graceful. It's a book for young women about the roles of grace and rest (and it inspires me to keep working on my own writing because I would love to write something similar someday). 

As part of the link up I decided to join a bunch of other bloggers and write a letter to myself. It ended up feeling a little therapeutic: looking through old pictures, remembering, and forgiving.

To my 18 year old Self.

You think everyone is looking at you, all the time. You think they pay attention to which color collared shirt you choose to wear with your dress-code khakis. Here's a hint: They're not. Later you'll get to counseling school and learn that there's a term to go with your heightened self-counsciousness--egocentric--and you'll struggle with it into your 20s. Start letting it go now. 

Those five girls you have called your friends, the ones you take prom pictures with and spend long summer weekends at the lake with, quit being afraid of abandonment & love them well. They are going to to stand by your side no matter what. You're going to stand by their sides in their beautiful summer weddings. 

The relationship you have the summer after graduating high school, enjoy it. Relax. You will have the time of your life riding four wheelers, going to baseball games, and eating at fancy places. He will teach you what true pursuit looks like. But for heaven's sake, finish your meal and offer to help pay once in a while.

That college you have visited three times, just to be sure, go ahead and give in. I know you're afraid because your ex-boyfriend goes to school 35 minutes away, and heaven forbid, it might look like you're following him. It's okay. He will take you to Walmart when you're sick your freshman year, but then he will find a lovely native Arkansan and fall in love again, just like your prayed.
Remember, it's not always about you.

You will choose to decorate your freshman dorm with hot pink, black, and zebra print. Please, think again. It will make your already-small dorm room feel small and depressive. It will all end up in your attic the next year when you choose to go for something different. Zebra print isn't really you, anyways. (I can say the same thing about the cartilage piercing you get later, but that is another story.)

And one last thing: a warning. Your first semester of your freshman year is going to change you forever. You are going to make some mistakes and ruin a few relationships. You are not going to make the wisest choices. You're going to fall in love for the first time. You are going to let him define you. I'm not going to tell you to do anything different, though, because it will make you into a better and stronger person. It's really okay that you're not perfect. You will become less judgmental and more forgiving. You will find yourself again. You'll find that you have been redeemed. And for the first time you will feel the freedom that is hand in hand with Grace.


I can tell you that at 22 you have redefined success. You are single, living at home, still in (grad)school, but you are successful. You finished strong. You graduated with dear experiences and dearer friends. You retitled your regrets and learned from them. You are going to be a counselor, and you trust God with the rest of the unknowns. You learned to embrace the process and find beauty in the struggle. You're going to be just fine.