Wife

There are days I wake up,

and can't believe this is my life.

With the apartment, 

the shared closet,

the bills, furniture still in boxes,

the fights over smelly trash bags,

the 9-5 (ish) workday waiting for me.

I'm married.

& 

I love him.

I love coming home to warm meals & Netflix,

I love the constant cuddles, kisses, and love he gives me.

I love Sunday mornings when we have real conversations about our future.

And there's all the cliches.

It's harder than I imagined,

I don't get to see him 24/7 like I want to.

Working and keeping up a home is...work.

And I get SO stressed out about how imperfect it is.

There are days all I can do is sit in the Starbuck's cafe,

just for a chance 10 second greeting in the middle of rush.

Sometimes he works from 5a-1p, and I work from 12p-8p.

This honestly sucks.

Other days, all I can do is open my Bible,

the devotion I've been reading,

surrender the stress

and hope I can learn something to benefit us both.

Last night I was finally able to vent the frustration I've been feeling at work,

and he gave me some really helpful ideas, because he's a lover.

And then I just started crying long repressed tears.

Why is this so hard?

Sometimes he has to remind me of really obvious things,

like "your job is just that-- a job"

and "if you want to quit and be a writer (my dream job) we would make it work"

and "maybe God has you doing something difficult for a reason"

and "maybe you can't answer the 'why' question because you aren't supposed to"

Here I grew up knowing I would be a wife one day,
 I imagined I would be the comforting one,
the one to support the other through hard things,
and here he is--doing all that and more for me,
at a time when I have nothing left to give back.

Again, I love him.

Happy 2 months and 1 day of marriage, sweet Christopher.

Thanks for dealing with my crazy, stressed, all-over-the-place self
every single day.