2014

I'm following the lead of my fellow bloggers, 

and made a list of the things I want to remember about 2014.

So much happened in my life, I almost don't know where to start.

I GOT MARRIED.

Christopher and I planned the wedding I always wanted.

We put expectations aside, and had a 15 person wedding under a tree.

Since we were both baristas making minimum wage, 

We spent our savings on a photographer, our favorite cake, and a park shelter.

According to us, it was beautiful and perfect. 

I'm so glad we were forced to focus on what was important--

our vows we were making to God and each other.

I graduated from my Master's Program.

After 2 years of the hardest thing I've ever done, 

I walked across a stage, along with the only other people who will ever understand,

hugged the professors who made me cry, and challenged me to be better.

and received my diploma.

 I got my first "real" job.

I spent all summer sending my resumes to Nashville and Colorado.

We wanted to get out of Kansas, begin a new adventure together.

But God had other plans. 

One day I responded to a job in Lawrence, and had an interview the next week.

 I interviewed for an addictions counselor job the same week I got married.

I found out during my honeymoon I had the job.

I look back and I know God was watching out for us, I had quit my job at Starbucks,

we didn't have a place to live yet, and we were nearing the end of our rope.

We moved to Lawrence, Kansas

It isn't Nashville, and it isn't the mountains,

but it is a sweet community of families and students.

Christopher lived here during college, 

and we are content. 

I realized having these things wasn't going to make me happy.

I made it--I had the husband, the salaried job, the cute apartment to call our own...

but the only thing I felt was stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. 

I had told myself for 2 years that this was it--the finish line.

The place to be. When I got here everything would fall into place for me.

But it wasn't true.

I had formed my own version of idolatry, and had fashioned my own perfect little life to worship.

I forgot that it isn't people, places, or things that make life worth it.

I forgot to thank God for the blessings I have, I forgot to spend each morning giving up control.

So for the past month I've been doing just that.

And I've found the stress, anxiety, and over-all negative spirit fading.

As I remember to see today, the people I'll counsel, the husband I'll love

through God's eyes, it's so much easier. 

I've been rebuilding my faith, and finding myself all over again.