photo cred: Josh Adams, http://purchase.joshadamsphotography.com
Running Cross Country this year has been....really hard. I started out so excited and competitive, but it seems like sickness after sickness have sucked the life out of my love for running. I can count the days when I didn't feel sick while running on one hand. Each day is harder and harder as I try to suck up enough energy and ignore the pain for however long we'll be running that day. First I found out that I was anemic--which is why I sat down in the middle of our first 5K race and almost quit because I didn't have enough whatever it is in my blood to keep going. Then, after that only helped a little bit, I went back to the doctor and had a sonogram, only to find out that not only do I have an ovarian cyst but I also have a POCS, a syndrome that will probably make it so I can't have children.
Our girls team started out with 11 girls, but because of sicknesses and hurts and other such circumstances, we are now down to 7 girls, exactly enough for a team. It's funny to think that God could teach me something through a sport...but maybe he has. I haven't quit yet. And I have had to find contentment through something besides success, because I have been anything but successful this season.
This is the last week. Today is the last speedwork day. Saturday is the last race.
And all I want is to do my best...to push myself to my own limit, which might not be very far, and know that I gave as much as I could.
And then I can take a week off and then start running again---and not worry about time or distance or speed. If I start to feel sick, I'll stop. And hopefully I can start feeling healthy again, and I can start running with friends, and maybe the love for running will come back.
"In a sport that's ruled by the clock, freeing myself from the minutes and seconds that define success was liberating. I was now free to run when I wanted, without the gnawing obligation that comes with a competitive pursuit. I no longer have an interest in running "against" anyone. Rather, I'm often looking for someone to run "with," and it's the camaraderie, rhythm and ritual that continue to hold my interest."
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