Dazzling

I keep asking the Lord to show me how He sees me.

And the newest word is dazzling.

I went to a worship service last night,

and the picture that spoke to my heart was

"When we arrive at eternity's shore,

when death is just a memory

and tears are no more,

We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring,

Your bride will come together and we'll sing,

You're beautiful."

He's dazzling,

and I'm a reflection of His brilliance.

4 months ago

from a journal on 6.22.11::

"God, I feel unloved, unworthy, and insecure. I am overwhelmed with my own frailties.

Please, help me realize my worth is in you.

Help me to see myself as one dearly loved, precious, and honored in your sight.

I will take heart. I will ask for courage. Because you are the one my strength comes from."

It's good to look back. It's good to be here.

Arise, shine.

Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.

...

Then you shall see and be radiant;

your heart shall thrill and exult,

your heart shall tremble and grow wide.

...

but the Lord will be your everlasting light,

and your God will be your beauty.

Isaiah 60: 1, 6, 19

He has made us beautiful.

What if we lived like it,

stepped out of the darkness of shame,

lived in the light,

like the redeemed people we are,

and let Him display his beauty through us.

Regardless

"That which God said to the rose, and caused it to laugh in full-blown beauty, He said to my heart, and made it a hundred times more beautiful."--Rumi

Today I sat and asked the Lord to give me words.

Words that describe the way he sees me.

&

he calls me:

Beloved.

Free.

Without Blemish.

Full of Grace.

My love will never grow cold.

Regardless.

&

he gave me a role:

Go.

Love.

Serve.

Care.

Listen.

You are my ambassador.

I have given you the ministry of reconciliation.

Don't receive my grace in vain.

(2 Corinthians 5&6)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us."---2 Corinthians 5:17-21

Living.

I'm going through a period of questioning.

I've been questioning my motives for service and love,

my understanding of grace,

and even some of the Christian words I have grown up hearing.

I know a lot of information.

I'm good at talking like a Christian,

I "lift up" friends in prayer,

and I wish to "glorify" the Lord with my life.

I'm tired of living like this.

So like everyone around me.

I fit in far too well.

There has to be more than this.

Today God showed me a little more clearly

what it looks like to "glorify" Him.

God is glorified when we live in such a way

that he may display His beauty.

That makes so much more sense to me.

I want my actions

and motives

and thoughts

to be pure

so that He can display his beauty through them.

"..and you shall know that I, the Lord, am your Savior and your Redeemer, the Mighty one of Jacob."

Isaiah 60:16

At the moment.

I am...

...grappling with the idea of grace (still).

...taking steps towards balance.

...loving having a kitchen to play in.

...a little done with baking pumpkin things and ready for peppermint Christmas things. (Guess that's what I get for starting on pumpkin in September).

...desperate for my ankle to heal so I can start running again.

...struggling with guilt from the pressure I put on myself. It's like I have some type of mental standard that I can never quite reach. I feel it after every conversation spoken, every accomplishment finished, every devotion and quiet time done. I worry that I'm letting people down, that I don't do enough, that I do too much. It's called perfectionism and it's a daily struggle.

...trying to see myself the way He sees me. (Maybe this will help the above ridiculousness).

...looking at grad schools and jobs in KC and dreaming about what God has in store.

...thankful for dependable and reciprocating friends.

...still slightly giddy over a new relationship with a boy who challenges me to find joy in each day.

...praying this: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope"...for me, for you.

(Romans 15:13).

Enamored.

I've been asking God to show me who I am

past comparisons,

or self-imposed standards

expectations,

or attempts to please others.

I want to see myself the way God sees me.

And the word that comes to mind is enamored.

We have a God who is enamored with us.

Who gives us beauty for ashes

blessing

praise

honor

everlasting joy

a new name.

. . .

Your new name will be "The City of God's Delight"

and "The Bride of God,

for the Lord delights in you

and will claim you as his bride.

Isaiah 62:4

Hephzibah, "my delight is in her"

I am loved.