Sometimes I get afraid that I am going to go through life without living.
The fear usually brings about trying something new,
forcing myself to go someplace alone,
or asking a stranger a question about themselves.
But what if I'm going about living the wrong way.
Instead of self-consciously mapping out my next move,
what if I instead tried something more simple,
like being present.
Being present in this ordinary time
where I am still somewhat dependent on my parents,
where I try to get to know my best friends, now married, in a new way.
where I encounter hurried, selfish, and yet still giving humanity in others at work,
where I walk the edge of this road of loneliness without giving into self-reliance.
Instead of remembering and wishing for past college days,
or hoping and pining for future, supposedly more put together, adult days.
In the counseling sphere, we call this "Mindfulness," or "Active Listening"
Focusing on the person before us,
without judgement or selfishness,
to be compassionate and focused on them.
Listening without bringing ourselves into the picture.
"The effort to free ourselves from concerns and the willingness to put aside fuzzy distractions involves a kind of death in order to take up the cross of the present moment."-Brennan Manning
If I try really hard, I can be here.
I can hear the trusty sound of traffic,
and see the soft glow of sunlight from the overhead skylight.
And it is in this moment, the now,
that I truly feel God's presence,
apart from my worries and distractions and plans.
He is here--like always--actively listening & taking part in me.
And that makes me feel alive.
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