Promises.

"I trace the rainbow through the rain,

And feel the promise is not in vain

That morn shall tearless be."

-George Matheson

I'm studying grief and death in one of my classes,

which basically means that I cry

every time we have class.

Which is embarrassing...

Monday it was a man who lost the love of his life

2 months after his son committed suicide.

Yesterday it was a woman who lost her mom

before she could un-resolve the bitterness

Today in chapel it was a woman

who lost not one, but two, children

to a genetic disorder.

And they all say the same thing,

that through those tough trials

they were able to find joy.

Inexplainable joy.

God's promises.

Matthew 5:4-

God blesses those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

It doesn't make sense,

But then, it doesn't have to.

Nineteen.

My "little" brother turned 19 last week.

It kind of shocked me!

He's growing up,

graduating,

going to college

with dreams of being a pastor.

He is one of the wisest 19 year-olds I've met.

He's going to be great.

To celebrate, I made him

vanilla bean cupcakes (recipe here)

with buttercream frosting (recipe here).

I was daring and tried something from the Pioneer Woman.

I had to cut open a vanilla bean! So fun.

Mmmm.

He's not a big sweets person

(give him a bag of chips any day),

But I couldn't resist.

Look! He modeled for me. :)

I think he liked them...

Happy Birthday Brother,

You are always going to be "little" to me.

I love you.

Marvelous Light

Sometimes, remembering is painful.

Old hurts never seem to totally go away.

But then I remember His words,

"Forget the things that were,

and press on toward the things I am about to do,

...they are marvelous."

"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live,

but Christ lives in me.

So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God,

who loved me and gave himself for me."

-Galations 2:20

Goal: 13.1

7 days from today I'll be running my first 1/2 marathon!

Bah! I'm getting so nervous already!

Here are a few things I'm going to try to do for the next week:

-Take an iron pill 1-2 times a day. (It's not overdosing if you're anemic)

-Drink at least 3 bottles of water a day (ugh, that's a lot for me).

-Drink less coffee. (Notice, I say "less" not "none").

-Ice my achilles tendon every day.

-Roll my IT band(s) every day.

-Stretch, stretch, stretch.

-Try not to psych myself out...

PS-This picture makes me laugh.

If they can do it, so can I!

Sick.

Yesterday I drove an hour (without getting lost, thanks to a talking GPS!)

to spend the morning with my grandpa.

He had been thinking about what we should do for the day,

so he took me shopping. Antique shopping.

You've probably guessed it by now.

My grandpa is dying.

I mean, we all are,

He's just on a fast track.

(But then, he always was-he's an amazing runner).

But that's the most amazing part.

You would never know.

He is the most positive, lovely man I know.

He spent the day giving to me.

Gifts, time, macaroni and cheese,

A running watch.

An article about running back when he was in in the KC Star

(told you so).

And I spent the day memorizing,

the way he breathes when he hugs me,

his arm in mine,

his singer's voice.

If you need a book to read,

Read "Tuesday's with Morrie."

And when you're done,

you'll understand.

In the meantime, pray for my Grandpa.

The leukemia has moved to his right lung,

and he starts chemo again Monday.

Lately.

Who I am at lately: Single

I had to interview for a position a few weeks ago,

and at the end of the interview they asked me a question

"just for fun."

How would you describe yourself in one word?

I don't even remember what I said--something dorky

like passionate or determined.

Today, though, if I had to describe myself in one word,

it would be single.

My friends and I joke about how I haven't been single since 9th grade

(Which is far more true than funny, actually).

For years, now, I have hopped from relationship to relationship.

I joke that I was "serial dating," a term that I might have made up.

But, recently I've been become thankful to be single...

Because I've been so undistracted lately.

I'm not planning a wedding.

Or wondering when I'll get engaged.

Or trying to find time to call him.

Or even worrying about who he is.

With a single heart, I've begun to experience Christ's love more deeply.

He is my hope.

my song.

my light.

my love.

my salvation.

And His love is so wide.

and long.

and high.

and deep.

I finally found where I belong. Just to be with Him.

Listen.

Recently I've been learning the importance of listening.

Too often I get caught up in finding answers.

in giving advice

And I forget the value of caring about someone

enough to be patient,

be silent,

be present.

And listen.

Afterall, it's the first step to loving,

hearing.

"I believe in being present," Morrie said. "That means you're with the person you're with."

-From Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Albom

Give, Love.

Dreams.

Why are we so afraid to share them?

What good are they locked up inside of us?

You speak of love and charity and helping others.

Of going to bind up broken hearts

Declaring freedom for captives.

Of feeding hungry hearts.

Answering pleading eyes.

And my heart sings along.

Occupied.

Sorry there have been less and less posts lately!

It must have something to do with the 4 papers I'm writing simultaneously...

...Or that 7:30 walking/jogging class that drains the life out of me.

Or maybe it's the half-marathon that I'm training for?

No...it's the 40 page literature review that I'm researching for.

Who knows.

But I do know, this weekend is almost here.

And I'm going to go hiking at Devil's Den!

I'll leave you with a wish I have.

I want my hair to look like this (but blonde)::

Here.

It was Christmas Break, and I was sitting in a church pew.

Sunday Morning.

A lot of things were going wrong in my life.

Hiding.

I didn't want God to see the mess I had made.

Sin.

The pastor was talking about Jesus coming as a baby.

I had heard it before.

Then, she said something about Jesus being Immanuel.

"God with us."

And that became so very real.

"Jesus suffers with us in our suffering. That's how He heals of us of our suffering.

However low we sink, God is with us. He's there are the bottom waiting for us!"

-Gregory Boyd.

-------

And it still amazes me today...

"Our gospel dares to proclaim that God enters smack-dab into the middle of the hell we create"-Gregory Boyd

He was there all along,

waiting for me to notice.

And through his participation in my pain,

He began to redeem it.

God in my hurting.

God in my healing.

Thank you.

Thanks to Sadie, and her wonderful blog Manatee Pudding,

I was reminded that I have a lot to be thankful for:

-rainy days that force me to be productive

-music that makes being productive less boring

-colored pictures taped to my mirror

and sweet notes that remind me

that prayers are being offered for my sake.

-teachers who inspire me to submit my work

and the fact that I'll be published in my undergrad.

-answers to prayer that come in the form

of unexpected Internship opportunities.

-scars because they represent healing

and are way better than gaping wounds

Shine.

When I was younger,

back in high school,

I used to ask God for radiance.

I wanted others to look at me,

and know I was His.

----

"I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.

He freed me from all my fears.

Those who look to him for help will be

radiant with joy.

No shadow of shame will darken their faces."

----

Sometimes it feels like

its too much

its a lot

Trying to be someone I'm not.

-----

These days, I ask God for help everyday,

to learn to be genuine

to learn to be me

the me He made me to be.

Life's Stories. Guest Blogger: Paige Ford

Guest Blogger: Paige Ford

Please welcome [my first guest blogger ever!] Paige Ford, a dear friend of mine. I asked her to blog for me after she told me this wonderful story. Please read it.

Because we all live in stories:

This semester I am in a fourth grade classroom observing all day Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The first day in the classroom, I noticed a particular little boy who literally did not focus at all. He never did his work and to be honest I never really even saw him try. A smile never creased the sides of his sad drooped cheeks and his clothes told the whole story. Hard home life, rough attitude, and a sense of complete failure filled the air as he slowly walked back to the desk in which I was sitting. “The teacher said you would help me?” “Of course,” I said as I motioned him to sit down next to me. From that moment on, it seemed as if my desk had his name written all over it. The teachers were astonished with how much work was being done and how well he was doing the work. After working with this precious boy, I began to learn, what made him tick, what made him laugh, and most importantly, what drove him to do the work.

It was a typical Monday and I was assisting this sweet boy with a writing TLI test. He got through a shaky first paragraph and began to break down. All I heard out of his mouth was “I can’t do this, I can’t. I can only do second grade work teacher that is all I can do. This is fourth grade work I cannot do.” My heart broke and my immediate response, thanks to the Lord’s probing, was “who said you cannot do this, who told you that all you can accomplish is second grade work?” “Everyone at my old school, my mom, teachers, just everyone around me,” he responded through tears. I looked at those blood shot eyes and said, “Precious you can do this, I have seen you do fourth grade work I know you can.” I then proceeded to tell him to shake his head and shake all those negative thoughts out. He glanced at me puzzled, and then proceeded to smile the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. His head slowly began to move back and forth. After some more probing, he finally shook all the negative thoughts out onto the floor. Then I made him say repeatedly, “I can do fourth grade work, I can do this.” He glanced at the paper and began to compose a paragraph that I would have never thought came from the tip of his pencil. The day proceeded to pass hour by hour and finally all the students went home.

Today I was sitting at Café and Broadway with my roommate and suitemate and an email flashed into my inbox. It was from the classroom teacher in which I observe each week. The email read,

“I called [the boy’s] mother today to let her know what a good day he had today. She was so proud and told me that last night she got frustrated with him and she started to yell at him. He told her to stand up and shake her head!! To shake all the worries out of her head!!! That is what his teacher's at school taught him to do with he was upset. She was very proud of him!!!”

What a great God we serve! He works through us in so many ways that we do not even know. Take the time to smile, give a word of encouragement, love, and make a difference in someone’s day. You may never know the impact you are making on a daily basis, do not let one opportunity slip through your fingers. That could have been the opportunity to change someone’s life.