Trying Hard.

Let love be genuine.

Abhor what is evil;

hold fast to what is good.

Love one another with brotherly affection.

Outdo one another in showing honor.

Do not be slothful in zeal,

be fervent in spirit,

serve the Lord.

Rejoice in hope,

be patient in tribulation,

be constant in prayer.

Contribute to the needs of the saints

and seek to show hospitality.

Romans 12:9-12

This verse means a lot to me right now.

I feel like I need to be changed.

I see so much wrong with my heart, soul, and mind.

Each day is a fight to focus;

to continue to hope,

to continue to love,

to find contentment.

And I try to put up this strong front,

I don't allow myself to be hurt.

But that is just so exhausting.

It is so much better to surrender.

I just can't quite figure out how to get to that place,

and stay there.

Again & Again

Psalm 37:2-7

Trust in the Lord and do good.

Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.

Take delight in the Lord,

and He will give you your heart's desires.

Commit everything you do to the Lord.

Trust him, and he will help you.

He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,

and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.

Be still in the presence of the Lord,

and wait patiently for him to act.

This is the verse that's highlighted in both of my Bibles

with the words "Summer 2011" etched in the margin.

There it is again...patience.

Be Real.

I like it when people are

real

and honest

and themselves.

Quit trying so hard.

Out there.

I'm one of those people who tends to

follow my heart,

act spontaneously,

and do what I believe in.

I believe that God orchestrates,

He closes and opens doors,

He brings us into relationship with other

like-minded people,

and He puts passions and dreams into our hearts.

Sometimes those dreams start out as whispers,

and grow year by year into something so strong

that a few words from a stranger can bring tears to our eyes

and a possibility can make our hearts beat faster.

For me,

that dream is going to India & Nepal.

And right now there's a door standing wide open,

and friends and family holding out their hands,

but for the first time I'm feeling

a little doubtful,

a little scared,

of following my heart.

But I guess I need to remember who I believe in.

A powerful God who asks us to do powerful things for Him.

"Ask great things of God,

expect great things from God

& attempt great things for God."

-William Carey

Sometimes waiting on the Lord looks like surrender.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"

Psalm 37:4

Praying that the desire of my heart

would align with His desires for me.

Pictured Perfectly.

I used to picture my perfect job:

working at home,

sitting at a finely decorated desk,

with a large screen computer,

staring out my window at a picturesque setting,

writing.

Comfortable,

safe,

using my talents.

But God has been challenging that lately.

With so many needs,

injustice,

persecution.

So many helpless,

so many lost.

Maybe He's calling me to the streets

instead of a life of shelter;

to a life of active advance,

instead of to a life of quiet retreat;

to a life of community,

instead of solitude.

to a life that makes so very little of me & my talents

in order to make much of Him & His glory.

Matthew 28:19 haunts me.

"Go and make disciples of all the nations,

baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you."

Vineyards & Deserts

I was recently asked if I have a life verse...

I don't know if I could choose one verse,

but this is the one I immediately thought of:

Hosea 2:14-15

But then I will win her back once again.

I will lead her into the desert

and speak tenderly to her there.

I will return her vineyards to her

and transform her Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope.

That verse makes me think of

loneliness & hard places

rebellion & return

transformation & hope.

There can be vineyards in the desert.

"We tend to want to pick our blessings from the tree

while they are still green,

yet God wants us to wait

until they are fully ripe."

Seriously, read Hosea 2, all of it.

Favorite Fourth

I was recently asked what my favorite 4th of July memory was...

It might have been the time my mom, best friend, and I

took a road trip to Oklahoma to "spy" on a National American Miss Pageant

and then watched fireworks out the van skylight that night.

Or maybe it was the year I spent the 4th of July in Chicago,

marching in the International Lions Band with my marching french horn,

and then watching fireworks on the riverfront that night.

This year I'm spending the 4th in St. Louis with one of my best friends,

and since rain ruined our plans for watching fireworks under the arch,

our plan B was sitting, talking, and sharing music on a mattress in her room.

And it has been one of my favorite fourths.

I'm realizing that time is precious,

I'm about to enter my last year of college,

Many of my friends are getting engaged,

and everything is about to change...

So I'm not wishing it away.

What's your favorite fourth?