A Strong Bond.

A fridge front full of Save-the-Dates.

A bulletin board crammed with flowered invitations.

It is the spring of my Senior year of college, and although I’ve joked about “Ring By Spring,” in the past, it doesn’t seem as funny now that it’s my best friends wearing the bling.

Three RSVP cards sit on my desk.

The spaces were easy enough to fill.

My name, a check mark expressing my desire to attend,

And a single digit: the number one.

Me. It’s just me.

I’ve dated four guys during college. 

That’s one per year. 

And yet here I am, stuffing four bridesmaids dresses into the back of my closet, preparing to throw the rice and blow the bubbles on the dearest relationships I’ve made during college.

No, I’m not leaving college with a tall, dark, and handsome mate.

But I am leaving college with a circle of the dearest friends.

Friends who have prayed with me, sat on my bed and cried with me, listened to my fears, taped bible verses to my bathroom mirror, slipped notes full of healing words under my bedroom door..

They understand me more than anyone else.

And yet there’s something terrifying about this for me.

I don’t have a wedding ring.

There are no guarantees.

We won’t be working together, have a class together, see each other at church, or even be living in the same city three weeks from now. 

There is no promise that when I leave college I will keep these dear friends. 

There is no promise that these dear friends will keep me.

“It’s scary to realize that the only thing holding our friends to us isn’t our performance, or our lovability, or their guilt, or their obligation. The only thing that will keep them calling, spending time with us, and putting up with us is love. And that’s the one thing we can’t control” –Cloud & Townsend from their book Boundaries

It feels a little like standing on thin ice, or walking somewhere blindfolded. Trusting love is not something that is easy for me to do. I would much rather earn love, or somehow deserve love.

But that’s not how it works.

I need grace too much for that.

“At any moment any person can walk away from a friendship. However, as we enter more and more into an attachment based life, we learn to trust love. We learn that the bonds of a true friendship are not easily broken. And we learn that, in a good relationship, we can set limits that will strengthen, not injure, the connection. –Cloud & Townsend”