Expectancy.

Confession: Sometimes, when I can't sleep...I read Elisabeth Elliot for fun.

and she talks to me of loneliness lived.

of loneliness given

"Are you lonely?"

"Lonely? Why should I be?"

"You're single.

Most of the single people I know talk about being lonely."

"Oh, no.

You see, I have a sense of expectancy everyday.

What does the Lord want to do with me today?

I have no agenda of my own."

The heart which as no agenda but God's is the heart at leisure from itself. Its emptiness is filled with the Love of God. Its solitude can be turned into prayer." -E. Elliot

In My Dreams.

What is it inside of us that is captivated by the idea of being a princess?

Or at least by the idea of being a princess to someone.

"And above all, watch with glimmering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.

Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."

Aging.

Lately...

I've started to become less afraid of aging.

I mean, I am almost a senior in college

Remember in high school, when we thought seniors in college were ancient?

Bah!

But actually, I kind of look forward to having more

life experience

and wisdom

and sharing it.

So, this may be the most adorable thing I've seen in a while.

I wonder if older people hate being called adorable...but still, I just love this.

Quick, go here and see more!

Foolish

I've been making a mistake.

I've been asking God for something

instead of asking God for himself.

God always ignores your present level of completeness in favor of your ultimate future completeness. He is not concerned about making you blessed and happy right now, but He's continually working out His ultimate perfection for you..."

That I could say:

If all I have is You, all of you is all I need

and mean it.

Even in a Deluge

The earth be immersed in a deluge of rains,

Yet, the soul, stayed on God, may sing bravely its psalm,

For the heart of the storm is the center of calm.

Be glad and serene when the tempest clouds form;

God smiles on His child in the eye of the storm.

----------------

This weekend I spent some time in the hospital

with my grandpa who is dying of leukemia.

I have never seen someone so calm,

so strong in the Lord,

so confident that God

gives and takes away.

I arrived outside his door to find him highlighting in his Bible--studying Joseph

"I'm going to preach until the day I die", he said to me.

And yet, there is this part of my heart

that lives in denial,

that is so determined not to lose him,

that is still afraid of the dark.

Bright Spot: Home

First of all,

Homeward Bound is the worst movie.

Ever.

Second,

It's raining and grey

and I got soaked walking across the quad.

But it's okay!

I'm going HOME.

Right now.

Oh, and I'm in love.

Haha. Gotcha.

But I am in love with this song.

Thank you, Ben Rector...

Listen.

"The hardest part was finding you

But once I did...

I knew."

Truth.

A Perfect Day

Would Look Like...

Waking up at 7

Putting on tennis shoes.

Taking a walk with the birds.

Blue Skies.

People watching at a coffee shop.

Caramel Latte.

Granola and Yogurt.

Sharing secrets with a friend.

Showering in the middle of the day.

Coldplay.

Wearing something floral.

Playing piano for hours.

Children's Church.

Driving down windy country roads.

Intramural Softball.

Oh wait, that looks like today.

Fly or Fall

What's the difference between

giving up,

waiting,

trusting,

hoping,

and surrender?

Because they all seem so jumbled to me right now.

I'm tired of waiting.

Waiting here in line.

Hoping that I'll find

What I've been chasing.

When do I give up

What I was wishing for?

Listen.

Smashed Dandelions & Beautiful Plans

Can we give up all for the love of God?

When the surrender of ourselves seems to much to ask,

it is first of all because our thoughts about God Himself are paltry.

We have not really seen Him,

we have hardly tested Him at all and learned how good He is.

In our blindness we approach Him with suspicious reserve.

We ask how much of our fun He intends to spoil,

how much He will demand from us,

how high is the price we must pay before He is placated.

If we had the least notion of His loving-kindness

and tender mercy,

His fatherly care for His poor children,

His generosity,

His beautiful plans for us;

if we knew how patiently He waits for our turning to Him,

how gently He means to lead us to green pastures and still waters,

how carefully He is preparing a place for us,

how ceaselessly He is ordering

and ordaining

and engineering

His Master Plan for our good--

if we had any inkling of all this,

could we be reluctant to let go of our smashed dandelions

or whatever we clutch so fiercely in our sweaty little hands?"

-Elisabeth Elliot

Take my ashes.

I trade them in for beauty

I will wear forgiveness like a crown.

{Fight for} Me.

I've gotten used to not having a hand to hold.

I've grown to love spending time

with big groups of girls.

I've gotten used to going to dances

and not dancing.

I've loved seeing friends fall in love

and get engaged.

I'm not afraid to standing alone,

and I've become so much stronger.

But sometimes, I just wish I had someone to fight for.

You are

The only thing that's beautiful in me.

Listen.

Luxury

"We are only ordinary folk who get out of very comfortable beds in the morning, brush our teeth with running water, put on whatever we like to wear, and eat whatever we want for breakfast. Our lives generally don't seem to call for much courage. We are so accustomed to luxury we think of traffic jams as hardship. It ruins our day if the air conditioner quits or the waiter says they're fresh out of cherry cheesecake."

-Elisabeth Elliot

So true.

I slept on a mattress last night.

I made myself coffee.

I went to class and learned.

I live a luxurious life.

I think of homework as hardship...

something some people would see as a privilege.

I can't help but think of women in India,

or children in Africa...

they have greater faith

and greater courage than I do.

Overwhelmed.

Oh, to be there instead of here...

Daydream.

I love dandelions.

They evoke wishes

and dreams

and longing.

And first grade

when we would pick them and

bring them to Mrs. Walker in stained yellow hands.

Who ever decided they were weeds, anyways?

Something Different.

This semester I've been interning for an amazing non-profit, International Princess Project. I blogged before about how exciting it is to work directly with women who are passionate about giving hope to women in India who have no idea that hope or trust or dignity is an option.

This past weekend I went to my first event, and it was so wonderful to hear Laura, the (completely adorable and pregnant) woman I intern with describe her experience in India. Laura was talking about the woman who started IPP, and she said this::

Instead of saying, 'It's so huge, there is nothing I could do to help' she said 'It's so huge, there has to be something I can do."

I love that. The past few month of interning with Laura has taught me so much. It has taught me that my biggest fear shouldn't be failure. This internship has taught me that my biggest fear should be being comfortable.

I don't want to ever get to the point where I'm so comfortable with gaining something like the American dream that I forget that there are women in India, in Cambodia, in Arkansas, sitting in my classroom with me, who are hurting, who need to be told that there is hope...

Dynamite.

I love this literal translation of 2 Corinthians 12:10-

"Therefore I take pleasure in being without strength, being insulted, experiencing emergencies, and being chased and forced into a corner for Christ's sake, for when I am without strength, I am dynamite."

Love it.

I cannot do this life myself.

I cannot write well enough

I cannot love well enough

I cannot serve well enough.

I'm too weak,

too flawed.

But He is Strong,

and He is Perfect.

And He works through me when I start trusting and ask Him to.

"My dear God, I have never thanked You for my thorns.

I have thanked you a thousand times for my roses but not once for my thorns.

I have always looked forward to the place where I will be rewarded for my cross,

but I have never thought of my cross as a present glory in itself."

-a blind pastor named George Matheson

Still.

I just want to be still and know that

His will is flawless.

Even when I'm not.

"He who keeps us never slumbers nor sleeps.

His love is always awake,

always aware,

always surrounding

and upholding

and protecting."

-Elisabeth Elliot

I heart::{home office}

I've never done this before, but I'm going to try a "roundup."

I was asked to find baskets of a certain size for my internship this week,

so I spent some time on the world wide web

(that's why there's www. before everything, huh).

In the process I found some cute home office pictures that I started drooling over

(not literally, I don't drool).

And it made me dream of the day

when I'm looking out my front window

at beautiful scenery writing my 6th book. Ha...

So here are some of my favorites::

Starting with my most favorite one first...

Oh I am so done with living in a dorm...

Anything but Predictable

"Most Christians lead a treadmill life--a life in which they can predict almost everything that will come their way.

But the souls that God leads into unpredictable and special situations are isolated by Him.

All they know is that God is holding them and He is dealing with their lives. Then their expectations come from Him alone." -Gems

I don't wan to live a treadmill life,

lead me somewhere unpredictable,

even if it's uncertain or lonely.

More than anything.

"What do you want more than anything else in the world?"

To know You, Lord.

"Do you want My will, at any cost?"

Yes, Lord.

(from Elisabeth Eliott)

Let this be true.

Obedience proves love.

Today provides new opportunities to know Him more.

Keep looking up.

Yesterday I ran my first half-marathon.

...and is it ridiculous to say that it was FUN?

Because it really was.

My friend Katy and I ran without watches,

because we wanted to run without pressure.

And we met some interesting runners...

...a mom who has run 8 half-marathons and definitely passed us...

...a shirtless man over 40 who made some joke about not letting girls pass him...

And we said a few miles worth of prayers.

And we waved to our favorite fans, Rachel and Libby.

And we finished in 1:55 (making my unspoken goal of under 2 hours).

And we placed 4th in our age group!

It was actually really amazing how spiritual of an experience it was,

whenever things got really hard (like when mile 12 met a huge hill),

I found myself remembering scriptures and praying for courage.

I love how the Bible has so many comparisons to running a race,

we are called to keep hoping

to have perseverance

and to keep our eyes on Jesus--our champion.

"Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who perfects our faith."- Hebrews 12:1-2