Something Like a Resolution

I don't know how I feel about New Years Resolutions, part of me thinks that they are silly un-reachable goals that society has pressured us into making. The other part of me likes the idea of change.

Here are some of my very reachable goals I have made for 2011::

--I want to tell the people I love, that I love them

--I want to slow down

--I want to plant a flower

--I want to watch the news

--I want to watch the stars

--I want to go ice skating

--I want to sing for someone

--I want to give sushi a second chance

--I want to go caving in Arkansas

Some more serious ones...

--I want to find a church in Siloam

--I want to start tithing regularly

--I want to read all of the CS Lewis books

--I want to get a real summer job

And some less realistic ones...

--I want to run the Disney 1/2 marathon

Patience

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea. ::anne morrow lindbergh

I think I'm being taught patience. I don't like it.

Happy?

I hugged my family. I unpacked. I put everything away. I spent time with friends. I finished a book. I mended a relationship. I went to church. I went on a run. I baked some cookies. I ate way too many cookies. I died my hair. I got some bangs. I cried because the bangs are wierd.

I tried to find happiness in the things that I missed while I was in Ireland. I didn't find it.

God isn't just a pill to pop when you're feeling sad or achey or have recieved bad news. He doesn't make everything better with His magic wand either. He's so deep that I'll never ever understand Him or know Him fully. But I have to keep trying, keep learning, keep making mistakes and learning from them. Keep looking forward to a place where there will be no more tears.

Isaiah 35: 10---"Those who have been ransomed by the Lord will return. They will enter Jerusalem singing, crowned with everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be filled with joy and gladness"

Familiar

"No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow"-Lin Yutang.

I slept in my own (king size) bed last night, crammed between three of my best friends. My marvelous friends were in cahoots with my mom and planned a surprise party for me when I got home. I was completely surprised! I've always dreamed of having a surprise party, and I can't

believe it acutally happened. I was always afraid of what would happen if I ever did have a surprise party...like, would I look absolutely awful, or be wearing my pajamas? Well, I must admit that after like 20 hours of traveling and sitting in airports and lugging huge suitcases all the way across the Atlantic, I wasn't exactly put together. But it was still so so so wonderful

.

The not so wonderful part of being home is this whole jetlag thing. I woke up at 6 AM and it felt like noon. I was so productive though! I baked and I ran a few miles and I checked my facebook and I woke up my mom and made her talk to me. The worst part came at 6 pm tonight, when I felt like it was midnight. I looked like a zombie walking through Target.

But, I purchased this book, upon recomen

dation from a friend.

The movie is coming out soon, and I am so excited! See the preview here. Yes, it has Miley Cyrus in it. Oh, by the way, this is one of my favorite hobbies: reading the book and then going and watching the movie when it comes out. Usually I'm dissapointed by the movie, because my imagination does way better than Hollywood. But I actually like that. It helps me keep believing in the future of writers and the power of the imagination.

Tomorrow Brings the End

Tomorrow is Goodbye.

"Yesterday brought the beginning, tomorrow brings the end, and somewhere in the middle we became best of friends" -unknown.

I've learned to love Ireland and all the things that make it so different from America. I love that they call ketchup "red sauce" and the way they are continually asking the forever question, "tea or coffee?" I love their accent and saying like "it was crack" instead of the ever-lame, "it was cool." And there's more:: Their wonderful yet sarcastic humor. Their hospitality. Their faith. I don't know how I will fit back into the fast-paced, fast-track of American life. I hope I can make time for tea and scones with my friends, I hope I can find a bus to ride around town, a walk to go on before meal time. Above all, I hope I will never forget.

"I've learned that goodbyes will always hurt, pictures can never replace being there, thanks is a feeble word, memories forget the hard times, words can never replace feelings, and heroes often go unsung"--unknown.

{Goodbye to my dear friends--a hello is in our future.

Hundreds of pictures--they can't replace experience.

Thank you for everything--it's not enough.

Memories--that turn into daydreams.

My unsung hero--Hadden Wilson}

Reunions

"Every goodbye is a taste of hell and every reunion a taste of heaven"-Unknown

We had our family reunion last night, and it was just grand. I met so many Irish Wilsons, and hung out with the lovely Laura for most of the night. There was a dance floor, but sadly, no one used it. I wanted to though... Pictures will be up soon! Everyone kept asking me when I was coming back to NI, and I told them to give me two and a half years and I would be back at Queens to get my masters degree. Now just to make that happen....

I met a lady last night that I'm related to who lived about 5 minutes from me for the past three months. She was so sweet. She said one of the nic

est things anyone has said to me in a while! She told me that she could hear Ulster (Northern Ireland) words in my vocabulary. I was so excited about this!

Today is our last day in Northern Ireland, I leave for Dublin early tomorrow morning and then fly out Saturday. It's mixed emotions for me. I miss so many people right now. I miss my family and I miss my Finaghy Family and I miss my Belfast friends. But I've loved hanging out with my dad and my cousins. I guess it's just finding contentment in where God has me currently. I'm excited to understand what He has been doing by sending me here to Ireland, even though I don't think it's something I'll understand until that awful word, "later."

Side Note: Imagine this guy, but with grey hair and in the middle of December.

And you'll be imagining my dad. He's wearing shorts today and has a huge camera hung around his neck. And a big flashing sign above his head that shouts "tourist." Haha. I love it. He's so funny, I don't think I've ever seen him so happy.

Family Ties in Country Tyrone

Hello to the three of you who read this...

I felt like I should send an update, since most have no idea what's going on with me right now.

I'm in County Tyrone, finding and meeting my Irish family.

I've been learning a lot about the history of the Wilsons. In case you didn't know, the Wilsons imigrated to the US in like the 1880s. And my dad and my cousin found living relatives here. I spend a lot of time with my 4th cousins. They are just class.

Yesterday we met Woodrow Wilson, who is named after the US President. We went to the place where the US President Woodrow's family lived, and the living Woodrow told us beautiful stories about growing up there. Then we just met and talked about the past with a few other people. I love all of my family here. They are all so sweet, and they feed us way too well. Today we are going to our homestead, the farm where we started, and the American Folk Park so we can try and improve the family tree.

We're staying in this place called The Barn, and I have my own room. It's a beautiful view out my window, and I got to see the Irish sunset both days.

I've never drank so much tea and coffee. I'm pretty sure I'm dehydrated.

I'm really excited for tonight, we're having a family reunion with 40 of our Irish relatives. I get to meet them all!

Tomorrow my dad and I are going hiking, then Friday is Dublin, then Saturday is home. I can't wait. I miss my mama, or "mum" as they say here.

"Though the mountains may fall and the hills may fade. The faithful love of the Lord endures forever" --Isaiah 54:11

Leaving...

I never thought that I would grow so attached to Ireland and it's lovely people. But I have. As I leave Belfast today, forever traveling, I think of all that I'm leaving behind. Lakeside Manor, the lovely, cold, huge house that held all 15 of us. The place where many great quotes were said.

My families: the Agnew's and Mcfeeters and Wilson's.

I keep thinking of this quote, and it helps:

"No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each others own worth"--Robert Soutney

Well, off to the North Coast with my daddy!

There is a land

There is a land that I can go to

When I have time to rest.

All the people I love are there

And those who love me best.

-Marianne Faithfull, (opening to the song "Ireland")

Obsession::Claddagh Rings

We had to give an art presentation today on our visual experiences of Ireland. We went in alphabetical order, which is always bad news for me. So I was forced to sit through everyone else's fantastic presentations and compare my own to theirs, and completely lose all confidence I had in myself before I went up in front of the class. Why do we do that anyways--comparing ourselves to others is lame.

But, the point is, that it got me thinking about what one symbol I will remember Ireland by, and I decided it is the Claddagh ring.

If you have no idea what a Claddagh ring is, don't worry, because I looked it up on wikipedia just for you. The Claddagh ring a traditional Irish ring that has a two hands holding a heart with a crown on top. I think they are really strange looking, and the symbolism is the part that I like about them. (What an English major I am!)

The heart stands for love, the hands stand for friendship, and crown stands for loyalty. The expression "Let love and friendship reign forever" is connected to the ring. Most of them don't really have diamonds in the middle, but the picture I chose does-it was pretty. It's an example of a Claddagh ring that is used as an engagement ring. I don't know how I feel about that. If I were to wear a Claddagh ring as an engagement ring, I would wear this one:

Try not to pay attention to her weird knuckles...

"When one of your dreams come true, you begin to look at the others more carefully." -Anon

I'll miss you...

What do I look forward to and put all else aside for every Saturday and Sunday night at precisely 8 PM? X Factor!

Yeah, I'll admit I've been converted from American Idol to the UK's version, X Factor. Although, I think it might largely have to do with a certain contestant who I kind of love... I honestly think X Factor is on my list of top 10 things that I'll miss in Ireland.

Watch this video, and you'll understand::

So, on to my top 10 things that I'll miss...

10-Magnum Bars

9-Phizzy Pigtails

8-Pizza Express

7-X Factor ((Olly))

6-Shopping in downtown Belfast (H&M, Avoca)

5-Running with the Irish scenery to stare at

4-Cutting everyone's hair in the laundry room. (Won't miss the smell though)

3-My new friends: Jonny, Tori, Ben, Kerrie and Claire

2-My lakeside family

1-Hadden/Grandpa Wilson

Only one week until this season of my life ends...

"There are no stars as lovely as Edinburgh street lamps" --Robert Louis Stevenson

What a Beautiful World

What a beautiful world we live in. You know, it really is a small world after all...

Before you start conjuring up images of little chinese dolls bobbing their heads and singing or get the song stuck in your head, hear me out.

I always thought of the world as this unknown place that was completely beyond me, somewhere waaay beyond my comfort zone. I saw buses as places for the less fortunate, a place full of germs. I saw downtown alleys as places where drugs were sold, and I was perfectly content living my suburban life. I was afraid of what was beyond my circle of influence.

But now that I've been out of the United States for about three months, and have begun to call my home Belfast, I've realized how much more there is to the world, and to life. The "world" isn't just some intangible idea, it's a place I've gotten closer to touching with my own fingertips. The "world" is both good and bad. It is both the bent, homeless man on the streets of Edinburgh and the smiling, hard-working bus driver. The "world" is both the shady strip club on Grassmarket street, and the beautiful, exquisite St. Peter's Cathedral. Both the littered, gum-freckled streets of Scotland and the glassy, reflective lake with the pure white swan balancing on top. The "world" is full of strangers with unknown stories sitting on the bus next to me reading their newspapers or laughing at their inside jokes, and full of new friends with beautiful hearts and beautiful families. The "world" is contrasted. There is the definitely the ugly and the beautiful, the detestable and the splendid. I choose to be careful but unafraid, to explore and not hide.

All that to say that Edinburgh was beautiful, I loved Princes Street, the Royal Mile and Edinburgh castle the best, and we had a lovely apartment where I was able to relax and grow closer to my friends. It was such a nice Thanksgiving Break, although I did miss gathering with my family and meeting my cousin's new boyfriend...I still had a fantastic time.

I'm going to Scotland tomorrow!!!

We have Thanksgiving break starting tomorrow, lasting until Saturday, and I'm flying to Scotland. Gosh, sometimes I still can't believe that this is me, in Europe, flying to London and Scotland, just because I can. It is just so unreal.

We are flying into Glasglow and then taking a bus to Edinbrugh (pronounced Edin-burrow, not Edin-burg, mind you) where we'll spend our days looking at castles and frolicking in the highlands! It is going to be such a needed break!

I think I have finally reached the point where each day is exciting and new, an adventure. I have quit fretting about what I am missing at John Brown or at home, and am content just being me, in Europe, making new friends, being emerged in a new culture, and loving life as I know it. Finally. Too bad I only have three short weeks left in this beautiful place.

This is a quote from the song "My Desire" by Jeremy Camp"::

"All my life I have seen where you've taken me. Beyond all I have hoped, and there is more left unseen..."

This is so true for me right now. And I am just so excited for the unseen.

The Word "No"

Today Erin and I had to go to downtown Belfast and conduct a survey for our Politics class. We have both been dreading doing this ever since September when we received the assignment. Anyways, we took our notebook and pen and hopped on the bus and complained about how awful it was going to be for the entire 20 minute bus ride. We go off the bus and looked around for a kind face who wouldn't turn us away when we asked them if we could ask them 10 questions about social issues. But, the truth is it didn't even turn out to be so bad. It was hard for me to go up to strangers and talk to them, but we only got rejected once! I think it was partially because we were little blonde girls from America with funny accents, but either way, it was a growing experience.

Then Ross Wilson, a talented and uber-friendly Irish artist came and talked to our class in the afternoon. He said something that made me think, he told us that he learned early on in his career not to be afraid of the word "no"...this really connected with what I had been learning with Erin. Don't be afraid of rejection, because the worst they could do is say "no" and that's really not so bad. There are hundreds of scarier things than the word "no", like rats and spiders and guns and knives.

Just a small thought.

Be My Everything

Sometimes, everyone else seems to have it all. The right job, the right personality, the right boyfriend/fiance. Sometimes I get this sick feeling in my stomach that my life isn't going to turn out the way that I want it to, that I messed up somewhere. Sometimes, I hurt.

This song has spoken to my heart in those times, it is the cry of my heart tonight. It doesn't matter if I'm laughing or weeping, He won't abandon me. I need to quit telling God that He isn't enough when He is all I have left.

"Be My Everything":: Listen here

God in my hoping

There in my dreaming

God in my watching

God in my waiting

God in my laughing

There in my weeping

God in my hurting

God in my healing

Be my everything

"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness" -2 Corinthians 12:9

"I would run for a thousand miles

If I knew every step would be getting me closer

For my Lord is the Treasure"

(Treasure by Desperation Band)

Soaked in Surrender

I forced myself out of my warm bed this Saturday morning, I knew I needed the time alone to vent some of the stress from yesterday. I went through the motions of running clothes, socks, shoes, and out the door. I was greeted with cold, wet, rain.

I immediately regretted what I was about to do, but with a deep breath, I started my running watch and took off down the rocky road filled with puddles.

There's a big difference between running from the rain and running in the rain.

Some people love rain, they see it as God comforting them, God's tears poured out for them.

I don't, I dislike the rain. It makes me sad, and the grey clouds suck all the energy out of me. I've been forced to get used to this because I just described what it is like 7 out of 10 days in Ireland.

As I ran this morning I looked carefully at the effects the rain was having on the world around me. There were deep puddles filled with muddy brown water, the usually calm river I run beside was alive with angry, swirling currents, the usually crunchy leafs had gone soft and soggy.

Upset, I stopped running at one point and walked up some stairs to this tall bridge that runs over the river. This is not what I had in mind when I pictured myself running out the stressful things that have been bogging my mind recently. The rain was distracting me, bringing me down. I stopped and lifted my face up to meet the falling rain. And in that moment something inside of me let go. I gave up the tension I was feeling, let the rain wash it away. Surrender.

As I stood there I remembered some of the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, it's a beautiful song that some of my friends wrote.

"The Rain" -By Last Place

God you know why my heart aches

Though I never do

God you see, my tears at night

And I'm crying to you

Though I am weak

I will seek you

I will seek you in this hour

You're all I need

I will lay my burdens down

You're all I need

I will praise you in my pain

You're all I need

I will seek you in the rain

It's getting colder and I can't swim

Though I'm trying my best to

I'm going under and it's hard to breath

But I'm clinging to you.

Though I am weak

I will seek you

I will seek you in this hour

You're all I need

I will lay my burdens down

You're all I need

I will praise you in my pain

You're all I need

I will seek you in the rain.

My face

Is soaked in complete surrender

This place

Is flooded with mercies unsaid

Your grace

Is brushing me swiftly away

Oh embrace me

Tell me it will all be okay

Someday

But as for now

I will seek you in this hour

You're all I need

I will lay my burdens down

You're all I need

I will praise you in my pain

You're all I need

I will seek you in the rain.

It's a beautiful song, listen to it here:

For the rest of my run I ran in the rain and not from it, soaked in surrender.

"Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby" -Langston Hughes

InStyle

I am shamelessly addicted to Instyle Magazine.These are a few of the things that caught my attention

in the December Issue:

The "Snood"

I'm not quite sure what to think of this, I actually think it's a little rediculous, but I might try one on the next time I'm in H&M. After all, Instyle calls it "the accessory of the season."

DAISY by Mac Jacobs

I tested this the other day...it's delicious. It has a firm position on my Christmas Wish List.

Statement Headbands.

I love these!

Shoeboots.

Brittany bought a pair of these at H&M the other day, I love them.

Bright Tights.

Everyone in Europe wears these, too bad left all mine at home.

Bloom

Then the time came when the risk it took

To remain in a bud was more painful

Than the risk it took to bloom"

-Anais Nin

Marvelous Light

Monday are usually my least favorite day of the week. But not today.

I woke up at 7 AM and went on a run, drank some coffee, ate some french toast and was met by God all in the course of 4 hours. It was brilliant (a term the Irish use for everything).

This song pretty much sums up my morning:

Marvelous Light

I once was fatherless,

A stranger with no hope;

Your kindness wakened me,

Awakened me, from my sleep

Your love it beckons deeply,

A call to come and die.

By grace now I will come

And take this life, take your life.

Sin has lost it's power,

Death has lost it's sting.

From the grave you've risen

VICTORIOUSLY.

Into marvelous light I'm running,

Out of darkness, out of shame.

By the cross you are the truth, You are the life, you are the way.

My dead heart now is beating,

My deepest stains now clean.

Your breath fills up my lungs.

Now I'm free, now I'm free!

Lift my hands and spin around,

See the light that I have found.

Oh the marvelous light

Marvelous light

Lift my hands and spin

See the light within...

Callie and I ran our forest run today.

It was muddy, slippery and squishy. I almost fell down the little ravine at one point, attempting to stay on dry land, away from the muckiest part. Once we emerged from the trees, we made a sharp left and started up a drier path, up an abupt hill. The hill was straight up, and I tried my best to keep my eyes focused on the leaf covered path directly in front of me, rather than on the looming monster ahead. At points, I felt like I was barely moving, that I was in slow-motion, each step a difficulty. I finally reached the hill and turned around, hands on my hips, gasping for breath. And I was overcome by a magnificent work of art, brushstrokes that only God could paint. Beautiful in the most awesome sense. It was a foggy morning, and the fog had settled over the lake below and was cascading over the hills and valleys of the Irish countryside. The sun was sending rays streaming through the mist, the light was soft and soothing. I breathed it all in. Beauty is a curious thing, it takes our mind off of the pain. I think God created beauty to restore our hurting hearts, to remind us that the pain of this world will be nothing once our eyes fall on eternity.

"Beauty puts a face on God. When we gaze at nature, at a loved one, at a work of art, our soul immediately recognizes and is drawn to the face of God."

-Margaret Brownley

Callie caught up to me and stopped her running watch so she could take in the view. She spread her arms wide, threw her head back and said, unashamedly, "THANK YOU."

Into marvelous light I'm running, out of darkness, out of shame.

spirals

"Life is a journey up a spiral staircase, as we grow older we cover the ground covered before, only higher up; as we look down the winding stair below us we measure our progress by the number of places we were but no longer are. The journey is both repetitious and progressive; we go both round and upward" --W.B. Yeats

Simple

Ever since I travelled eastward, across the Atlantic Ocean to the lovely Island of Ireland, I've fallen in love some of the most simple things.

Post Cards. I love the way such a small commercially printed card can travel all the way to Kansas/Arkansas with my love to the people I care about.

"Letters to absence can a voice impart,

And lend a tongue when distance gags the heart"

-Horace Walpole.

Poetry. I used to think poetry was stuffy, that it had too many rules. That was before I was introduced to Seamus Heaney. I love his writing and the way he makes poetry personal.

Here's a taste of Heaney:

Scaffolding

Masons, when they start upon a building,

Are Careful to test out the scaffolding;

Make sure that planks won't slip at busy points,

Secure ladders, tighten bolted joints.

And yet all this comes down when the job's done,

Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.

So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be

Old bridges breaking down between you and me,

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall,

Confident that we have built our wall.

Running. The scenery of Ireland has made me fall back in love with

running, a sport that I have never fully committed to before. I do things that I never would have done before to keep my relationship with running strong. I wake up at 7 AM, I run in the rain, I climb steep hills so I can have a better view of the rolling Irish hills, I run through mud so I can be closer to the trees, I climbed over a gigantic tree today that had fallen in the middle of the trail, blocking the path, ...It's great. But my shoes are ruined.